Self-criticism or self-flagellation?

“I’m just self-critical!” – says Omar. After each misstep (and Omar considers absolutely all situations where he was not his absolute best as misses), he scolds himself, calls himself different names, where “idiot” is the mildest, and thinks that he does not deserve anything good, since he is so useless…

Is this self-criticism? No. What he does is self-flagellation seasoned with perfectionism.

Valerie regularly recalls all her mistakes and examines them closely under the magnifying glass of perfectionism. I was subpar here, I should have answered differently there, and in that heated conversation, five years ago, I looked like a complete fool!

Valerie is also sure that she is only self-critical, although, in fact, she practices self-rumination and self-condemnation. Extremely useless stuff.

The prefix is ​​the same: SELF-, but the actions are so different! And the consequences of these actions are also different.

Self-criticism is an ability that only an emotionally mature person can have. It allows you to identify your errors and analyze them. It is a valuable skill that allows you to draw conclusions, learn from the experience, and competently use it in the future.

However, it is easy not to notice how self-criticism turns into a whip with which a person beats themselves with all might, but at the same time, fails to analyze their behavior.

How to distinguish adequate self-criticism from other words with the same prefix?

1. Self-criticism does not equal devaluing. There is an understanding that the act/behavior is not very good, but the person does not become bad because of it.

2. Self-criticism does not make a person drive themselves into a corner, but it makes them analyze and get rid of non-working strategies in their behavior.

3. Self-criticism allows you to notice your shortcomings and correct them.

But it is not self-criticism if you:

…endlessly scold yourself for everything, blame, and notice only the downside;

…call yourself names or use negative adjectives describing yourself;

…don’t give yourself a chance to correct;

…don’t know how to accept compliments, but easily agree with criticism;

…do not see your positive qualities – only annoying (and maybe terrible) shortcomings.

In all these cases, you are closing the door to self-development and improving the quality of your life. And it would be nice to understand this as soon as possible!

If you constantly scold yourself, then your self-image takes on a “crooked” form. Your self-esteem becomes lower and lower, your ability to make decisions weakens and the connection with yourself is inevitably lost. Is this your goal?

Now you know the difference between self-criticism and self-flagellation/self-rumination. And information is the first step towards change. So, take this step!