Many of us encountered such a situation: a friend talks about how bad everything is in their life. You discuss it and try to help find solutions, but… You meet a month later and hear exactly the same complaints. And a month later. The person does not take any action and only continues to complain.
The situation feels like a dead end. You do not want to listen anymore – each such dialogue ruins your good mood. You would like to help, but all your recommendations meet their “yes, but …”. And you don’t know what to do…
If your friend usually does not complain and only has difficulties with their current life situation, and you sincerely want to help, the best tactic is to listen without giving advice. Sympathize, provide emotional support, and ask how you can help. Sometimes people just need time to decide to change their life.
However, if the person whines and complains constantly, they become toxic to others, and communication with them causes significant discomfort.
In this case, it is important to understand that the fact that the person complains does not mean that they are ready to make any changes. Most often, they want to release the tension that they cannot cope with by themselves – they are looking to receive emotional comfort. They do not need any advice, recommendations, or solutions – so it is pointless to provide them.
Stop “feeding” the person with your attention. If they stop receiving it from you, they will stop complaining.
Self-therapy can be an essential tool for personal growth and self-improvement.
Browse through our courses and see the positive changes they can bring to your life.
You are not sure where to begin?
To do this, you can try to avoid the discussion: say that you don’t want to talk about it, offer to change the subject, or during a telephone conversation, mention that your connection is not good or the battery is running low and the call may be dropped soon.
If you cannot avoid the conversation for whatever reason, you can ask questions related not to emotions but actions:
“Yes, it’s a pity that this continues… What have you already done to solve this problem?”, “What options have you tried?”, “What do you plan to do about it?”. For a complainer, these questions are extremely uncomfortable. They will not be able to run through their usual scenario. So, most likely, they will stop seeing you as a person on whom they can unload their frustration.
It is important to protect yourself from conversations that bring emotional discomfort and to understand that you cannot be responsible for other people’s decisions or indecisions. If you are being used as a shoulder to cry on without your consent, you have the right to stop it.
Help us grow on Instagram 👇
