Three misconceptions about psychotherapy

As people become more knowledgeable about mental health, there is less resistance and stigma about seeking psychological help. Slowly, we are getting used to the idea that when you have a toothache – you seek help from a dentist, if you have bad eyesight – you visit an ophthalmologist, and if your soul is in pain – you go to see a psychotherapist.

However, what happens behind the closed doors of the therapist’s office is still a mystery for many people. There are a lot of presumptions and guesses that mostly are not based on reality.

Here are three misconceptions that are at the top of the list of expectations of many clients.

1. My therapist will help me to TURN OFF MY FEELINGS

People don’t come to see a psychologist because something good happened to them. No, clients bring to their therapist painful experiences, traumas, fears, anxieties, and disappointments. Understandably, the person may get very tired of all this baggage by the time they seek psychological help. Therefore, it is natural that they may have only one wish – just to stop feeling. And this is the kind of help they are expecting from their counselor. 

“Help me to forget!”, “Teach me how to stop feeling!”, “How can I stop feeling upset and worried when they beat and humiliate me?” In other words, they are asking – how do I stop feeling pain while I continue holding my hand in the candle fire?

Many people are sure that this is exactly what a therapist does – they remove “bad” feelings and give good ones. They can show the client where exactly is this lever that you need to pull to turn off the feelings that you don’t like.

No, my friends. This is not how it works. You cannot turn off your feelings even if they are acutely painful. Otherwise, we will all turn into mindless robots. You cannot turn off your feelings. But you can fully experience them, understand them, and continue living. 

2. My psychologist WILL TELL ME WHAT TO DO

You can add to this category such expectations as “will make a difficult decision for me”, “will make a choice instead of me”, “will give me advice”.

The root of these expectations lies in the child-like part of our psyche that wants some “adult” to come and fix everything. Or at least to tell what needs to be done. But this is not how it works. Giving advice – is a thankless job since one person gives advice but the other one will have to deal with the consequences. No therapist can know your life better than you do. Therefore, they cannot tell you what you “should” do – because this is YOUR life. But they can help you see different options that are not on your radar and evaluate the pros and cons of different decisions. This is well within their expertise. 

3. My therapist will SOLVE my problem

No psychologist can solve the client’s problem. They can only help the client in this undertaking. There are no guarantees since the process of counseling is mutual and both the client and the therapist need to make an effort. Therefore, if the goal of your visit is to hand the responsibility for your life to your therapist – be ready that they will give this responsibility right back to you.