Your Own Lawyer

The inner critic is a part of the personality that vigilantly monitors our behavior. It often becomes excessively strict and demanding, and prevents you from developing or taking action. Here is a technique that will help you manage it:

Step One

Take a piece of paper and write down all the “arguments” that characterize you and your recent actions negatively. This will give you visible material for analysis.

For example:

I didn’t call him when I promised to.

I didn’t iron his shirt.

I didn’t tell him enough how much he meant to me, how much I loved him.

After the breakup, I became less efficient at work, I constantly get distracted by past feelings and memories.

I gained weight after breaking up with my boyfriend.

I feel like I’m worthless and no one else will want me.

Step Two

Imagine that you are in a courtroom where a panel is considering your case. Read all the charges that you’ve written down on behalf of the prosecutor. Talk about yourself in the third person.

For example:

Judy didn’t call her boyfriend when she promised to.

She didn’t iron his shirt.

Judy didn’t tell her boyfriend enough how much he meant to her, and how much she loved him.

After the breakup, she became less efficient at work, she constantly gets distracted by past feelings and memories.

She gained weight after breaking up with her boyfriend.

Judy is a worthless person and no one else will want her.

Step Three

Now imagine yourself as a lawyer.

For each of the accusations make a written response on behalf of the defender.

You may find it hard to come up with defense arguments at first (because you are not used to talking about yourself and seeing yourself positively), but do it anyway. Don’t leave a single point without a counterargument. Try to treat yourself with understanding and care.

For example:

Judy did not call her boyfriend as she promised, because she was making a monthly report at work and couldn’t get distracted.

Judy did not iron his shirt, but given how tired she’s been lately, it’s not the worst crime.

Judy rarely told her boyfriend how much he meant to her, because she finds it hard to express her feelings, but she did it as best she could.

After the breakup, Judy became less efficient at work, because she was under severe stress that is difficult to cope with; it’s great that she even continued to work.

Judy gained weight after the breakup, because she tried to eat away her feelings; it’s a good thing she didn’t start drinking or taking it out on other people.

Breaking up with one partner doesn’t mean that Judy will never find another one. She is beautiful, successful and kind – these qualities are attractive to men. 

Step Four 

Read your answers out loud and expressively: imagine that you are addressing the judge. 

Step Five 

Take the judge’s position. 

Acquit yourself on his/her behalf. 

Formulate it on paper first. 

For example:

Taking into account all the circumstances of the case, Judy is acquitted of all charges. She had good reasons for everything she did. She acted in accordance with her emotional and physical condition, as well as based on her capabilities.

To prevent such conditions in the future, the court rules that Judy must:

● provide herself with anti-stress help; 

● practice breathing exercises to regain the ability to concentrate; 

● try going out on a date with a man interested in her.

Step Six

Read the judge’s verdict out loud. 

Repeat this technique once a week, and your attitude to yourself and your actions will change for the better.

By the way, if you have the opportunity to move around the room during the exercise — so that the prosecutor, lawyer and judge speak from different spots, do it – it will boost the effect of this technique.