How to liven up your relationship when it got boring

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At the start of any relationship, it feels new and exciting, but over time, many couples develop a sense of monotony and routine. “We got stuck in a rut” — is what they usually say. What can lead to fading feelings, and what can you do to revive your relationship?

You relationship can become “boring” after a few months, or after a few years. You get the feeling that life has become too predictable and ordinary, and the activities and conversations that you used to enjoy don’t captivate you as much now, and don’t provide any boost of energy or positive emotions. The euphoria has passed, life has become usual, and problems have come to the fore.

You need to understand that “feeling bored” doesn’t mean that there’s no love anymore, but this feeling requires your attention and effort in order to light up the fire again.

Why do relationships get stuck in a rut?

1. Lack of novelty. It’s only natural that over time you get to know each other really well, and some things become automatic. Similarly your relationship becomes more predictable, and the absence of new adventures causes a feeling of monotony.

2. Lack of time and attention. Often both partners are too busy working and carrying out their daily tasks, which leads to a limited time they devote to each other. The relationship doesn’t get enough attention and fades into the background.

3. Lack of emotional connection and communication. When a couple stops actively communicating, sharing their thoughts, feelings and interests, this creates a feeling of distance. Everyone is busy with their own life, and it’s like there’s a wall between the partners.

4. Lack of ambition for development. Personal development and interests are important not only for the individuals, but for the couple as a whole. Personal growth stimulates the relationship to develop, and lack thereof and the fact that the partners don’t change causes monotony and boredom.

5. Rare moments of passion and intimacy. Love is versatile, and intimacy is extremely important. Passion, like fire, can die out if you don’t pay proper attention to it and don’t make an effort to keep the feelings alive. Lack of care, regular sex, kisses and hugs lowers the heat and sometimes even makes the relationship grow ice cold.

How can you break out of the rut and get closer with your partner? We suggest looking at two different couples, and how they dealt with this issue. 

Kevin and Miranda noticed that their communication lost its emotional closeness and became superficial. They spend time together, but it can hardly be called quality time: they rarely talk heart to heart and don’t share their true thoughts and feelings. 

Katy and Paul feel like they don’t do anything fun together anymore. They realized that they just sit in front of the TV every night, almost not talking to each other.

Here’s what they did:

1. They found common interests

Kevin and Miranda signed up for a modern dance class and started attending it regularly. This gave them a chance to listen to each other, to experience mutual trust and emotional closeness. They also found new topics for conversation, and they are even thinking about participating in a dance competition.

Katy and Paul are both foodies, so they decided to cook together and experiment with new unusual recipes. Now they spend quality time together, develop their creative skills and enjoy delicious food. Meanwhile, during the day they discuss what they need to buy for their new cooking experiment, share cooking videos with each other and develop a taste for life.

2. Introduced some romance into their everyday lives

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Kevin and Miranda started a new tradition — every Saturday night they arrange a home movie show. They choose a movie, prepare unusual snacks and make themselves comfortable. This time together allows them to relax, enjoy each other’s company and strengthen the bond. Afterwards they discuss the films, the characters and suggest alternative scenarios.

Katy and Paul decided to change the scenery twice a month: make a short trip out of town, or book a hotel room in their city. This gives them a chance to escape from the house rut, relieve stress and fully relax. Now it is easier for them to tune in to romance and become closer.

3. Started showing more flexibility when faced with difficulties

When Kevin got a new job that required more effort and time from him, he and Miranda decided to revise their schedule. They needed it to find time for joint activities and rest and not to lose touch with each other.

When Katy and Paul had to move to another city due to family issues (they needed to take care for Katy’s mother), they discussed their options for managing time and resources straightaway. Each of them offered their contribution and support: who will take mom to the doctor, and who will accompany her to the store.

The fact is you can’t avoid routine and struggles in a relationship. But Miranda and Kevin’s example and Katy with Paul’s example show that, if they are willing to, a couple can always find ways to get closer and overcome these challenges. It’s important to keep looking for common ground, common interests and hobbies, come up with something new, introduce some romance and try to be flexible. Although your relationship may not be perfect, there may be mistakes and setbacks, you have the strength to support each other and strive to be together if that’s what you want.


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