Four exercises for codependency

We put together 4 awesome exercises for codependent people. If this issue (codependency) is relevant to you, try doing these exercises regularly. 

“Retelling” 

• One of the properties of codependency is that it distorts your perception. Therefore, very often we can hear from codependent people such curious statements as: “he’s done awful things, he is my idol”, “our relationship is horrible, but nothing better will ever happen to me”, etc. To avoid these wild swings between idealization and demonization it is important to try to view your relationship objectively as if you were an observer. 

• Here is the exercise: write down the story of your relationship, from the very beginning until now. As if you were a third-party observer. VERY objectively. No evaluations, only the facts: who, what, how, when. 

• Save this story and reread it when you are getting overwhelmed with some extreme thoughts, especially about “the only wonderful relationship that I will ever have”. 

“Escaping the fog” 

• Codependency therapy is always focused on returning the client’s attention to their own persona. Everything a codependent person talks about is other people – how are they, what are they, etc. All the while the therapist patiently interrupts them with questions: “And you?”, “How do you feel about it?”, “What is going on with you?”. 

• It is very important to keep this great thought in your head: there are many other things in this world besides your precious relationship.  

• Create a list of the things that you enjoy. Starting from a caramel syrup in your latte and ending with the unforgettable impressionist paintings. The longer your list is the better. Important! None of the items on the list should be connected to your relationship. 

• This will remind you that besides your sun-like idol there are many other things that can bring joy to your life.  Keep this list growing!  

“A 3D model” 

• Codependency distorts your perception of your partner. It makes it flat and very unstable. 

• Everything is normal? They are the best person ever, they are perfect! 

• Hardships and storms? What a bastard! Such a bitch! 

• You end up with this dual reality that is not useful, and maybe even dangerous. 

• Try to focus. Remember as many different moments of your life together as you can and write down DIFFERENT traits of your partner. The resulting image should be comprehensive and multifaceted. This will help you to see them realistically and rationally.  Save this list and reread it periodically in order to maintain a rational train of thought. 

“Help yourself” 

• Codependent people often describe the so-called “bouts of codependency”. During these bouts, they experience a strong desire to merge with their partner in order to get something from them (love, acceptance, care, support). 

• Obviously, our relationships always involve an exchange. But codependent people go over the board in the area of their needs and demands. 

• Try asking yourself this question every time you want to ask something from your partner: “What can I do myself in order to get this?” And start, for example, in every third case, giving yourself the things that you need. 

• For example, you could try to calm yourself down, pat yourself on the back, buy something for yourself, or take care of yourself. 

• It doesn’t mean that you should completely stop relying on your partner. It just means that you should stop leaning on them heavily.