The ability to defend your boundaries is necessary for many life situations. If you do not have boundaries, it is impossible to build adequate relationships, a career, and achieve your goals. In addition, a person who does not feel where they end and another person begins may violate the boundaries of other people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is an important nuance: when a person just realizes that they have boundaries (this often happens in therapy), they seem to be setting up guards with guns around the perimeter, giving the order to shoot everyone who just walks by. This is normal at this stage. But you need to learn to define your boundaries so as not to spoil the relationships, at least where possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let’s try to figure out how to defend your boundaries in different situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Very often, the boundaries are violated by close people, and conflicts with mothers are a textbook example.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mom: “I know better what\u2019s best for you!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You: “I know that you are trying to take care of me, but this form of care does not suit me.” “I am already an adult, and I will decide for myself.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Such answers are like an outstretched stopping palm: stop, there is no need to go here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mom: “You need to dress more feminine.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You: “Mom, I like my style of clothes, I’m not going to change it.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mom continues to sort through things in your closet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your reaction after two requests not to do this: “I am asking you once again not to touch my clothes, otherwise I will have to put a lock on the door of my room.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is important not only to say but also to fulfill the warning, otherwise everything is meaningless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mom calls in the evenings and starts her “favorite” song about the fact that you are not married, and she wants grandchildren.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reaction – you warn your mom twice, for the third time you say: \u201cI am very sorry that you do not hear me and continue to speak on a topic that is unpleasant to me. Let’s talk another time, okay? Goodnight”.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And hang up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And do it every time the topic comes up. Stopping communication will drive the point home and mom will get the message.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dad: “My daughter wouldn’t do that!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You: “Dad, I’m sorry that I don’t live up to your expectations, but this is my decision.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The same applies to friends and colleagues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A colleague: “Sweetheart, get me some coffee, would you? You are going to the coffee machine anyway.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You: \u201cPlease do not address me like that. My name is Julia. “<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is important to immediately indicate that you do not like something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A colleague: “You know, red lipstick does not suit you.”<\/p>\n\n\n