Where can you see healthy relationships?

When we asked ourselves where in literature or movies can you find an example of a healthy relationship, we realized that we are stuck. After recalling everything that we have watched and read, after numerous discussions within the team, we understood that there are practically no examples of awesome, healthy, and NORMAL relationships (without co-dependency and counter-dependency, without crazy fixation on each other, without drama). And you know what?

This should be expected. Why? Let us explain.

In the movies and literature, the authors must make sure that their work is interesting. It should capture attention, entice emotions, make viewers feel something, make them relate to the main characters, etc. 

Remember how strongly you reacted to the love story of Scarlett and Rhett Butler? And Anna Karenina and Vronsky? Oliver and Elio? Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big? Rachel and Ross? We can continue this list forever. Can you call these relationships healthy? Of course not! Not even close!

In songs, we hear the same tune:

“What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way”

“Lilly comes when you stop to call her
Lilly runs when you look away
Lilly leaves kisses on your collar
Lilly, Lilly, Lilly, Lilly stay!”

“A million times I’ve asked you
And then I ask you over
Again, you only answer
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps”

“Loving you forever can’t be wrong
Even though you’re not here, won’t move on”

These are all hymns to co-dependent relationships! To “merge” with the partner, to get lost in them, to be unable to live without the object of affection – these themes fill books and movies, and we… we like reading about them! But this is not surprising at all!

While healthy relationships are inherently wonderful, they are not spectacular to watch. Who would be interested in watching partners who listen to each other? Who have conflicts while respecting each other’s boundaries? Who use negotiation and compromises? And where is passion? Twists and turns of the plot? Blood and tears? Nah, such a movie would be a complete box office failure. ?

But our lives are not movies… Even though many people still think that co-dependent relationships are a model of real love.

However, we were able to find a handful of movies. The first one is unexpected, to say the least – “The Addams Family”, Gomez and Morticia… For all the irony of the plot, these spouses are almost an ideal example of healthy relationships: there is love, mutual respect, and support.

“The King’s Speech” with Colin Firth. King George VI who stuttered, had a very tender relationship with his spouse, Elizabeth. She always supported her husband and was careful with his feelings, and he respected and loved her.

And, perhaps, an American movie with magnificent Meryl Streep “Julie and Julia”. The relationship of the main character with her diplomat spouse also draws attention and shows sensitivity, care, and mutual attention.

In general, can movies show examples of healthy relationships? Yes, but not often. It is an exception rather than a rule. We can enjoy these rare occurrences if:

a) These are supporting characters. b) The relationship of the characters is not the main focus of the movie, but rather a background.

Let books and movies remain the way they are. The most important thing is not to transfer their plotlines into real life. In it, it is much more pleasant to be in a healthy relationship.