The sense of guilt

Guilt is a complex experience.  When guilt is adequate, this feeling can be useful, because it shows that we have a moral side and also encourages us to correct the situation. But if the fault is excessive and accompanies the background almost constantly-this is not a good thing!

Real (adequate) guilt – a person did something not very good, knowing that it is not necessary to do so and caused some damage to someone. 

Neurotic guilt (inadequate) – always blurred and vague, there is no real damage. It occurs when a person always feels responsible for everything and for everything. The offense may be tiny, or it may not exist at all – but the sense of guilt is inflated and pervasive. 

they need everything here and now, but you are an adult and can easily convince yourself that “it is necessary”.

How to help another person:

– talk to the person about this feeling, give them the opportunity to talk about their worries, express them aloud;

 – ask questions: what exactly is your fault? Is this really your area of responsibility? What other reasons were therew for this to happen? Did you really want to do harm?

– if the fault is real, help not to fall into self-flagellation and form a plan for compensation: “How can I fix the situation?”. This will return the person to the plane of action. 

– if the fault clearly does not correspond to the offense-try to show it to the person in the form of cautious assumptions: “from the outside it seems that…”, “do you think it may be that you overestimate your guilt?»

How to help yourself:

– articulate, both verbally and in writing: what exactly is your fault. Try to determine its proportionality of the offense. “I promised to come to the meeting and overslept it” – adequate. “I made him get angry and yell at me” – inadequate.

– if the fault is real: what can I do to correct the situation? You can ask this question to the person to whom, in fact, is to blame – and together determine the method and compensation;

– rationalize. Turn off your emotions for a while and ask yourself questions: what exactly is my fault? Is this really my area of responsibility? Are there other reasons?;

– if you find a disproportionate guilt or a clear neurotic component, admit that the guilt is inadequate. Even if you still feel it, say it;

– if guilt is your frequent companion-contact a psychologist to find its roots and greatly facilitate your life by parting with it

Not recommended:

–Fall into self-delusion, torment yourself with thoughts of  “but if I…»

–To turn into a judge for yourself or another person, the role of a lawyer will be much more appropriate!

– contact a psychologist to find its roots and greatly facilitate your life by parting with it.