‘Pink Flags’ at the start of a relationship

Everyone knows about the so-called ‘red flags’ by now, but there is also such thing as ‘pink flags’ to consider. These include anything that puts you on the alert, but doesn’t seem like a real danger just yet. ‘Pink flags’ can have objective underlying reasons, that’s why it is so important to talk through any arguable points at the very start of a relationship. Direct and sincere communication is usually the foundation of a happy and mature relationship. But for now, let’s take a look at the most common ‘pink flags’.

1. Your partner only talks about themselves.

You don’t feel like they’re interested in you at all. In reality, by ‘filling in the space’ your partner may be trying to overcome their anxiety. Just give them some time and see: if they are genuinely nervous, the situation will eventually get better. But if this goes on, you have the right to ask them directly: “I noticed that you don’t ask me anything about my work, my hobbies, or my life in general. Are you not interested?”

2. The opposite situation: your partner doesn’t tell anything about themselves.

You feel like they ignore all your questions. It’s likely that the other person is simply very shy and is not used to talking about themselves. Just make it clear that you appreciate them sharing and that you’re interested to learn more about them. By the way, you can use card games or some of our exercises with questions for your partner to break the ice.

3. Your partner is always on their phone.

Sometimes a person is expecting an important call or waiting for a message and simply can’t put their phone down. Of course it’s better to tell your partner about it before they get annoyed, but we don’t all have the skill of direct communication. So again, just openly say that you don’t like this kind of behavior: “I feel like you are constantly distracted with your phone. Can you put things on hold while we’re on our date? Or do you want me to give you some time to finish your business, and then you will be fully present with me?”

4. They often flake out on you.

Anyone can have an emergency, but if this happens regularly, it’s better to find out the reasons for such unreliable behavior. You can ask, for example: “This is the fourth time you are cancelling on me at the last moment and it causes me a lot of inconvenience. Is there any way you can solve this issue?”

5. Your partner leaves your messages unread for long periods of time (a full day or more).

Even today, there are people who hate texting, and for them, instant messaging is a personal hell. They find it easier to call or rather even to meet in person. Another possible explanation is that the other person has so many active chats that they get lost in the number of incoming messages. These are all valid reasons, but they don’t mean that you should be always left hanging. Just agree on a way of communication that suits both of you, and on response time that you both find acceptable.

6. You partner speaks badly of their family.

Families do differ. Your partner might have been unlucky as a child: their family might have used physical punishment as a means of ‘upbringing’. Even now, as an adult, this person can still respond badly to any mention of their family. When you get to know each other a bit better, you will be able to make things clear and see whether there are objective reasons for their behavior.

You shouldn’t just turn a blind eye to ‘pink flags’ at the start of a relationship. But before raising alarm, check if you’ve set adequate requirements. Women with negative love experience quite often have unreasonable expectations that are worth getting rid of. Moreover, you should definitely learn to accept other people’s imperfections. Another person’s behavior may not always meet your expectations 100%, but it does not mean that they won’t be a good match for you.