Living together by necessity. Part 2

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Given this new arrangement, it is time to talk about safety precautions when interacting with relatives if you are living in their home. What to do when difficult feelings arise? You need to manage the following tasks:

– Do not spoil the relationships.

– Do not suppress your feelings at the cost of your health.

1. It is important to consider options for organizing personal space for all family members. You should have a place where you can be alone for a while. Probably, the number of such places is very limited – especially if the living space is modest and not designed for many people. Discuss this with the owners of the house or apartment. Consider all possible options so that not to impose on them and find a space for yourself.

2. If you are living with loved ones, agree on special rules that all of you will understand without further explanation, for example:

– if someone is tired of communication and needs to be alone, they say it and go to their “corner”, where they will not be disturbed.

– if there is a disagreement and the atmosphere is heating up, someone announces a break, and this “pauses” a potential conflict for a time being.

3. If you live with people whom you do not know, ask about their daily habits and agree on the time of use of common areas: the kitchen, the bathroom, etc. Talk about the rules that will help everyone maintain a healthy atmosphere.

4. Discuss how to spend time: share your plans and desires. See if there are some common interests: “Oh, I was going to watch this TV series too, we’ll watch it together!”. But do not press if the desires do not match.

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5. If you have a warm and balanced relationship with your “housemates”, try to plan a joint event – for example, breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Or maybe suggest playing a game together – Monopoly, Catan, or good old cards. This will help you feel closer.

6. If the relationship is already tense, try not to make it worse during this period. If you feel that the situation is deteriorating, if possible, try not to bring it to an open conflict. It is better to step back and do something pleasant or active that allows you to burn negative energy (sports or house cleaning).

7. If you feel a lot of psychological pressure or are simply tired of people, leave the stuffy environment – go for a walk and get some fresh air.

8. When there is no way to leave physically, you can still leave the situation “mentally” – immerse into the world of music (put on headphones), watch an interesting movie (Middle-earth and hobbits, or dangerous Westeros – to each his own), read a great book (here, too, possibilities are endless). It will help to switch your attention.

9. Be kind to yourself and each other. Offer help and support to other family members and ask for help for yourself if you need it. A little care in the form of a cup of tea, a massage, or a bubble bath is a great support!

10. If at some point emotions overwhelm you (fear, anxiety, anger, or sadness) – work on them. Use the exercises from “Psychosutra”.

11. What you have experienced had a big impact on your nervous system. You may feel that you are more often feeling irritated, offended, or aggressive towards other people. These are delayed manifestations of the stress response – essentially, it is a normal response to abnormal circumstances. Try to remind yourself that this is not you, this is your symptom – then you will have fewer conflicts with others.


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