When is it appropriate to interfere to “save” a person?

Oh, how we love to save other people from everything: from mistakes (from our point of view), wrong choices, “inappropriate” clothes, “wrong” friends…

Somewhere in our heads, we may think: “I know how to do it right!” or “I can tell them how to do this better!” This is almost always at best controversial, and at worst inappropriate. Here’s a good example.

Virginia decided to quit her job after12 years of work. For the past three years, she had to force herself to come to work. It was not an easy decision. She had been thinking and weighing the pros and cons for months. When she wrote her letter of resignation, everyone around her began to warn her that she was making a huge mistake. One colleague whom Virginia barely knew came and said: “You don’t understand! I want to save you from making a mistake. You can’t quit! You will lose a bunch of benefits – a secure government job, pension, and stability! Are you out of your mind? ” It was the textbook example of a person butting into someone else’s business – with the best intentions.

But there are situations when you must try to save a person. Although there are not so many of them – they all relate to life and health.

For example, a person is depressed. They are not well, they suffer, they have suicidal thoughts. In such cases, it is necessary to help. But you must do it properly (if this topic is interesting, you can read about it in the Mindspa app). A depressed person is simply not able to take care of themselves.

Or here is another example. A loved one has an oncological illness, but they refuse to be treated. One could say that this is their right, their conscious choice – but is it conscious? Very often people make such a decision out of fear and anxiety. Or, sometimes, they have certain erroneous beliefs – and doing nothing, in this case, is very dangerous.

Physical danger is one of the most obvious situations. But it must be a real hazard (a person is drowning, may fall, etc.), and not a hypothetical one, when it just seems to you that it is risky.

One mother has tried to save her son from dangerous motorcycles. In her mind, it was literally a death sentence. She has thrown tantrums, fainted, and threatened to disinherit. But the son could not be “saved”. Although she did manage to spoil relations with him.

Another special case is when a person is in objectively dangerous circumstances and does not realize it or ignores the danger. But there are caveats here.

Lillian noticed bruises on her friend Kathy. She knew that Kathy’s husband is beating her regularly: bruises appeared more and more often. Every time, Kathy would say that this was the last time and that he had changed. Lillian could not make Kathy leave her abusive husband against her will. Therefore, she gave her the phone numbers of support centers and said that Kathy could come to her at any time of the day or night and she, Lillian, would support her. Although, of course, it is still Kathy’s choice.

If you want to save another person, ask yourself this question: what are you saving them from? If the answer is vague and there are no risks to life and health, you should probably think again about whether to intervene so as not to violate their boundaries. But if they are in real danger, you should try to do it.