We have prepared a list of self-analysis questions that you can apply in different disputable situations.
When you can’t stop blaming and shaming yourself, think:
— What is my goal?
— What do I want to achieve?
— What do I want to come to through this moral thrashing?
— Are there any other ways?
When you are about to agree to something that doesn’t suit you, ask yourself:
— Am I doing this to get something out of it?
— Am I doing this to avoid something?
— Is this really the right decision for me?
— Will it do me more harm or good?
When you criticize someone else’s actions or decisions, ask yourself:
— Why does it bother me so much?
— How do this person’s actions affect me?
— What does my indignation say about me?
— What values or needs of mine are affected by this person’s behavior?
— Is the way I’m spending my energy good or bad for me?
When you put yourself below another person, think:
— Why am I choosing this position?
— What am I guided by?
— What about our interaction makes me feel worse than this person?
— Am I in the position of an adult or a child within our communication?
When you put yourself above another person, think:
— Why do I need to defend myself by diminishing another person?
— Am I feeling insecure?
— What am I trying to achieve with this attitude?
— What am I counting on, choosing this form of behavior?
When you are afraid to voice your needs, hide your true feelings, or hold something back, think:
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You are not sure where to begin?
— What kind of response am I afraid of?
— Does my fear correspond with the actual state of things?
— Does my behavior benefit or harm the relationship?
— And what about me? What does it do for me?
When you are trying to hide, to escape from reality, ask yourself:
— What do I really feel?
— What am I afraid to face?
— What repels me from myself?
— What is going wrong in my life?
— What problem should I have dealt with long ago?
When you are beating yourself, think:
— Does this approach help me deal with the consequences of my error?
— Does the thing I’m doing now improve the situation in any way?
— What is my goal?
— How will I understand that I’ve achieved my goal and now can stop?
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