Mixed Feelings Towards Parents 

You may notice that on the one hand you feel love, tenderness, and affection for your parents, but on the other — anger, disappointment and frustration. 

Sometimes you wish your relationship was really close, and sometimes you dream of one thing only – that these people leave you alone. 

This swing can trigger shame, guilt and anxiety. 

Let’s find out where these mixed feelings towards your parents come from. 

Your parents are only human. 

They may try their best in fulfilling their parenting role, but they don’t always cope with it. 

They may sincerely love you, but not know how to express it in a healthy wholesome way.

They may strive for an affectionate and warm connection with you, but your relationship is affected by unresolved traumas.

They may look after you and want the best for you, but the only way of caring they know is restrictions. 

They may wish to give you the most important things, but these “important things” simply do not suit you. 

Under the influence of stereotypes, beliefs, expectations and incomplete separation we often forget that our parents aren’t superheroes, but just … people.

And these people have: 

– Traumas 

– Peculiarities 

– Fears

– Limiting mindsets 

– Flaws 

But at the same time they have: 

– Merits

– Talents 

– Courage 

– Experience 

– Appealing traits

And moreover, under the effect of the same stereotypes and beliefs, we forget that we are also only human. 

With our own boundaries, needs, values, desires and emotions. 

Our mindsets about being the “perfect child” dictate that we have to love our parents unconditionally, respect and appreciate them, and never have any bad feelings towards them. 

But it’s impossible.

So it’s important to remember a few things:

You can feel both something good and something bad towards your parents. 

This ambivalence is NORMAL. Certain feelings do not cancel out other feelings. 

Negative emotions towards your parents do not make you a bad person.

In order for your relationship with your parents to become warmer, more comfortable and healthier, you shouldn’t dismiss your negative emotions, but use them as a valuable source of information. After all, they point out the areas you need to fix.