So, let’s continue talking about how to make it less traumatic when you are forced to live in someone else’s home.
Of course, a lot depends on who you live with and what kind of relationship you have. Each situation has its unique nuances. And, of course, they must be taken into account. However, there are general rules that will be useful in all situations:
1. Each of us has our own “limits” – individual adaptive potential. The current situation is not easy for anyone. It is filled with a lot of worries and anxiety. But each person is adapting to it differently, to the best of their ability. It is important to take this into account so that negative emotions do not overwhelm you and those who are close to you. because if they do, the level of tension will increase greatly.
When communicating with family members, you should take these considerations into account. This means:
– do not discount other people’s feelings (“Why are you always on edge? Relax, take a break!”, “Well, you can’t be so fussy – it’s not like you are on a desert island!”, “Look at me – I am not whining! Cheer up!”, “For others, it is even worse – pull yourself together!”)
– you should not dismiss the hardship, but it is important not to dramatize, not to exaggerate.
Panic, anxiety, and dysphoria are contagious feelings, so it’s important to keep them at bay by supporting yourself and others.
2. You need to show your feelings and not lock them inside. If emotions flood you, talk to those who are close to you. If you can’t get support from them, use the phone or the internet to talk with friends and like-minded people. If you do not take care of your emotional state, the likelihood that you may “take it out” on those who are nearby increases. And this will exacerbate your already difficult situation.
3. Try not to avoid fights. Postpone discussing your accumulated displeasure with each other until later. Now this will only aggravate the situation.
4. If the situation nevertheless becomes tense, a conflict is brewing, and you want to burst in frustration and say something, try to put yourself in the place of another person. Think about what worries them, and why they are behaving this way now.
5. Try to notice positive details: thank your aunt for a delicious dinner, praise your mother-in-law’s new apron – this gives an additional much-needed contribution to the “bank of goodwill”.
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6. Provide older relatives with the opportunity to interact with other people over the internet. Younger people know how to communicate via Skype and instant messengers, but older people most likely do not. Organize a video session for your mom or grandmother with her friends – this can be a great help and create a positive atmosphere.
7. Do not forget that you can try to make the situation more comfortable, but it is not in your power to save everyone from difficult emotions. This is a joint test, which can become an important experience of jointly overcoming obstacles.
8. Respect the rules of the house where you must live now: clarify, ask for details, and apologize if you are wrong – this will not allow the situation to escalate.
If you find yourself with people who are not easy to communicate with even in good times, or with people who are downright toxic and difficult, then you should focus more on protecting yourself and your emotional state than on building bridges. What can you do if this is the case?
– Designate “common” areas and “private” areas where no one will disturb you. Carefully think through the options for “escaping” – both physically (lock yourself in a separate room if necessary) and mentally (headphones, movies, books, music);
– Do not get involved in disputes, do not add “fuel to the fire” – toxic people are just waiting for this to “blow out” the situation;
– Think of safe excuses in case the discussion reaches an impasse and it is necessary to leave the conversation.
– If the conversation still knocked you off balance, find a way to recover: do breathing exercises, take a bubble bath, or do some physical activity. Use any technique that works for you.
Remember that your main task for the near future is to save yourself, get out of this situation with minimal losses, and find the strength in yourself to build a new life. It’s not easy at all, we understand that. But we offer our support to you and wish everything to get better soon.
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