Living together by necessity. Part 1

You didn’t expect it, you didn’t want it, you didn’t choose it. But it happened. And we are infinitely sorry that you are in this situation.

If you are reading this article, you have probably had to move in a hurry, and most likely did not end up in the best conditions. Many people find themselves in a situation of forced cohabitation with relatives or even strangers.

Not everyone is ready for such a quest even under perfect circumstances. But when fear and anxiety are in the air – living together can become unbearable.

Before we talk about what to do (and what not to do), let’s look at the potential problems. When you know what to expect, it will be easier for you to prepare yourself for challenges. Forewarned means forearmed!

1. Who is nearby?

Mother-in-law, father-in-law, sisters, brothers, grandmothers, grandfathers, mothers, fathers, perhaps uncles and aunts, or even complete strangers. You can find yourself living with the dearest and closest people or with absolute strangers, whom you did not know before. But now you need to share the same space with them and it is not clear for how long.

2. What is the problem?

a) You ended up with other people in the same territory and will spend some time here – perhaps quite a long time. And this territory is someone else’s. You do not set the rules here.

b) The very fact that you do not have a choice is very frustrating. You cannot just pack your things and leave. Perhaps the space does not even allow you to go to your “own” room. When a dieting person realizes that some food is out of reach, they begin to dream only about this dish. In a situation of forced cohabitation, the same mechanism is activated: when a person knows that they are “locked” in this constraint, they may lose their balance and feel unhappy.

c) The more people around, the more irritants. You feel frustrated, and everyone with whom you share the space probably feels the same way. This means that the potential for conflict increases dramatically.

d) Perhaps there were conflicts with some of the people before – a long-time misunderstanding with your mother, a confrontation with your mother-in-law, a conflict of interest with your sister, etc. – every family has its unique issues.

e) Because the change happened so quickly, and it is not clear when everything will be resolved everyone may feel on edge. The slightest spark is enough for the conflict to flare up.

3. Thoughts-feelings-emotions

In this situation, many negative emotions come to the fore: various fears, anxieties, confusion, and anger. Circumstances may cause post-traumatic stress, which manifests differently in everyone.

Of course, under these conditions, it is difficult to think positively. And stressed-out people around you create turmoil. You probably could handle it during normal times, but now you feel anger and annoyance because there are already too many traumatic events.

Because of all the above, the number of conflicts increases. A cloud of tension hovers over your apartment or house. Our task is to help you think over safety measures and draw up a plan – how to reduce overall tension, diffuse conflicts, and, if possible, make this period as painless as possible.