Internal critic

“It won’t work”. “This is not for you”. “You are going to fail as usual!” “Everyone thought that you were an idiot”. “They will stop inviting you after this”…

Sounds familiar? We thought so. This is the voice of your internal critic, who relentlessly and tirelessly is whispering you phrases that cause you to experience shame, guilt, and doubts about your worth.

Your internal critic is always unjust. If you give him too much power, he can completely destroy your confidence and your ability to realistically evaluate your strengths. As a result, the quality of your life will get worse.

Who is he and what does he need from you?

In essence, your internal critic is a part of your psyche that was formed during childhood. How he will turn out depends on your childhood experience – what did you hear about yourself when you were little.

Is this your voice? In reality, no. A child cannot evaluate their own behavior yet. She simply doesn’t have enough experience and judgment to know what is right and what is wrong. The child takes clues from the caregivers: parents, grandparents, teachers, etc.

If the words you hear have a lot of negative predictions (“you will never be successful!”), strong judgments about you, not just your actions (“you are stupid since you couldn’t solve this problem!”), labels (“clumsy”, “thoughtless”, “like a bull in a china shop”, “messy”) – then your internal critic will soak up all of this. In adulthood, these phrases will be sounding in your head paralyzing your life energy and self-confidence. If you focus on the voice of your own internal critic, perhaps you will notice that it is the voice of your Dad, Mom, or grandma…

What to do if this critic settled down firmly in your head and negatively evaluates your every action?

1. Call him out. Analyze when he becomes especially active. What is his “signature”? What phrases does he use, what emotions and feelings do you experience, and in what situations does this usually happen?
2. Try to recall – who used to speak like this? Where did these words come from into your mind? Who is the real author of these words? Remind yourself that these words are not yours – then they will lose their power over you.
3. Think of a replacement for the phrases that undermine your confidence. For example, instead of “as usual, I failed” intentionally choose “I can always try again”.
4. Start keeping a diary of your achievements. When you begin noticing your successes you will focus your attention on good things. In this case, your internal critic simply doesn’t have a chance.

When your internal critic gets “re-educated” and turns into an internal supporter – your life will be much more pleasant!