Being a child, every person is open to new experiences and feels free to express their desires without fear of judgment. They also call it childish innocence. Adults are more guided by reason and logic, sometimes forgetting about their true desires suppressed by outer circumstances and opinions of others. In this article we will analyze why this happens and how to learn to dream again.
What’s in your way?
○ Lack of self-reflection. Let’s be honest, people nowadays just don’t have enough time to dream and think about their needs. Or it’s not perceived as an important task, and people don’t make space for it in their schedule. If a person hasn’t identified their goals and priorities in life, it’s difficult for them to clearly formulate what they really want.
○ External factors. Every person has to face the power of social opinion, expectations and stereotypes that suppress the awareness of their desires and needs.
○ Fear and uncertainty. The fear of making a wrong decision or mistake leads to uncertainty in your desires. Someone else’s or your own negative experience only increases fear, as does the prospect of disappointing someone in your close circle.
○ Childhood experience. Difficulties in recognizing true desires arise if the child had no space to express their emotions and feelings, while their needs were usually ignored. As a rule, parents make decisions for their children: what to wear, when and what to eat, where to go, when to go to bed and how to spend leisure time. The difference is whether they give their child the right to choose and whether they are ready to take their child’s desires into account.
○ Suppressed desires. The habit of suppressing desires, making an imposed choice, leads to the fact that the person can’t hear their inner voice. They don’t understand their own needs, they lose contact with their own self and don’t know what they really want. And whether they want anything at all.
All of this creates an internal conflict when one part of the personality wants to express its desires and follow them, but the other one is afraid of negative consequences or judgment. This leads to dissatisfaction with life, depressive disorders and much more.
The practice of keeping a diary: Where am I, what is happening with me?
This practice will help you learn to hear your inner voice and recognize your needs. We recommend practicing it for 7 days, following the instructions below.
Step 1. Set your alarm for 5 signals a day (at any time).
For example:
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08:30
When the alarm goes off for the first time, ask yourself:
— What is my mind preoccupied with?
— What am I thinking about now?
— What thoughts do I have?
— Are they related to my past, present or future?
Write down your thoughts on a piece of paper or make a note on your phone.
12:00
When the alarm goes off for the second time, track your condition with these questions:
— How are you?
— How are you feeling?
— Are you feeling good?
— Are you tired? Annoyed? Are you happy? Are you sad?
— Why are you experiencing these feelings?
Write down the answers in as much detail as possible.
16:30
The third signal:
— Who are you with now?
— Do you love these people?
— Do you find them interesting?
— Are you alone? Why?
Take notes again.
19:00
The fourth signal:
— Where are you?
— How do you like this place?
— Do you want to stay or leave?
— Where do you want to be now?
Record your thoughts.
21:30
The fifth signal:
— What are you thinking now about yourself?
Write down a detailed answer.
Step 2. Change the time of alarm signals and the order of the questions every day.
Step 3. On the sixth day, try to answer all the questions at once during the alarm signal and be sure to write down your answers.
Step 4. On day 8, analyze your notes and make conclusions based on the results. Use the following structure to understand yourself better by analyzing your answers according to their subject:
— My main thoughts last week.
— My feelings and mood over the past week.
— People I spend time with.
— Places I have visited these days.
— What I thought about myself over the week.
Based on this practice, try to understand and accept yourself as you are — without evaluation or judgment. The more questions you ask yourself, the more answers you will get. This should help you feel more satisfied with your life and give you a sense of completeness, as well as improve your relationships with others.
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