How not to get hurt by your partner’s bad mood?

Your partner is sulking for the second day in a row… You have not had a fight. And you are sure that you have not offended them. They are just in a bad mood. It has nothing to do with you – you are certain about it. Perhaps, they have problems at work, or do not feel good, or had an argument with a friend, or… There may be many reasons! But the fact of the matter is that they are not in a good mood, and you feel off-kilter. Your partner doesn’t react to your jokes or attempts to cheer them up. Gloominess is hanging over you and dragging you down into its swamp. You just can’t stand it anymore! What can you do?

To begin with, you should determine the degree of intolerability of this situation. Let’s assign units of measurement, for example – “waves”, because this situation worries you and you are usually not easily rattled. Otherwise, you would not read this article.

So, how unbearable is the bad mood of your beloved person in the “waves” on a scale of one to ten, where 1 – “I am completely OK, I even forget that he/she is here”, and 10 – “I cannot eat and sleep while he/she is like this”?

1–3 waves. It looks like someone else’s mood does not bother you – they will figure it out themselves.

4-5 waves. You are not indifferent to the mood of your loved one, but in general, you are coping. This does not unsettle you, does not interfere, so to speak, “with your normal functioning”. You continue living your life.

6-7 waves. It seems that the bad mood of the person next to you greatly worries you. You are trying to fix it and you feel a rather pronounced discomfort, which is understandable because it is very difficult to be near someone who frowns and sighs. Below we will figure out how to find balance in such a situation.

8-10 waves. You absolutely can’t stand your partner’s bad mood. You feel bad, you feel a strong tension, because, firstly, you are very worried about them. You feel their discomfort as your own, and secondly, you are worried: what if they just stopped loving you? Or are they angry at something but not saying it?

If the latter is your case, then we have some bad news for you: these are classic manifestations of codependency. You are so attuned to your partner that you completely forget about yourself, which does not contribute to a healthy relationship. “Dissolving” in another person leads to the state where is nothing left of you as a person – there is only “we”. Therefore, the bad mood of a loved one is perceived so acutely, painfully, and anxiously. In this case, you need to fight not with the symptom, but with the cause – that is, work on your codependency.

But back to the score of 6-7. How not to get hurt by your partner’s bad mood when this suddenly happens?

• Make it clear to your loved one that you are there for them and ready to listen and talk at any time. If they want to be alone now – it’s OK. If they need help – they can tell you about it. Do not question them about the reasons for dissatisfaction and gloom, so as not to provoke an aggressive reaction in your direction.

• Take care of yourself and your business. Plan a meeting with friends, buy an exciting new book, take part in some interesting marathons. Anything will do that will allow you not to “fall through” into your partner’s emotional state and not to spoil your mood.

• Remember that people are not robots. Yes, a bad mood happens, like a cloud sometimes obscures the sun, but this is not the end of the world. Try not to dramatize and relax, let go of the situation. You cannot influence everything, and the mood of another person is simply outside of your control. Think of the situation as a training session that will help you build a skill.