We’ll start by saying that we sincerely sympathize with you. It’s not easy to feel that you and your partner are playing on different teams in a crisis.
But, the fact that you are reading this text speaks of your willingness to try to change things.
So let’s try to sort things out.
Step #1: Clear your reality of speculation
Most often, we perceive a direct or indirect refusal of our partner to get involved in resolving a problematic situation as:
- “I see, that means he/she doesn’t love me!”
- “She/he just doesn’t care!”
- “So I’m not a priority!”
- “He/she doesn’t want this relationship!”
Such reasoning often turns out to be wrong. A person may have different reasons not to respond to your need. For example:
- – There is a communicative failure, and they actually don’t understand what you are trying to convey.
- – The solution that you propose (or even demand) doesn’t suit your partner, and you don’t know how to search for compromise.
- – Some personal traits of your partner make them withdraw and hide from any conflict.
- – The intensity of emotions is so high that your partner can’t handle it.
Thus, the reason for your partner’s “refusal” may lie, for example, in a simple misunderstanding, but you’ve already convinced yourself that there’s no love and no hope for you.
Of course, this approach only increases the tension and distances you even further. So, your task is to bring yourself back to reality. Stop guessing and focus on the facts.
Step #2: Manipulate
Yes, we – adherents of safe and effective psychology – are actually suggesting that you should manipulate.
Manipulation is usually viewed only in a negative way. However, there is also a good kind of manipulation. Replace the message “We have a problem, let’s work on it!” with “I have a problem, please help me solve it.”
It may sound like this:
- – “You know, I’m really struggling to deal with this situation on my own, and I was thinking of going to a therapist. It would help me a lot if you went with me.”
- – “This situation affects me and our relationship in a negative way. I would like to improve my state and our communication. Here, I found an excellent course (link), let’s do it together? It would give me great support.”
Step #3: Change yourself
Any relationship works following certain scenarios in which everyone has a role to play. As long as you preform your usual role, your partner doesn’t need to change anything.
But as soon as you change your approach, this structure will begin to wobble, and then you will have two options:
- – Either your partner will try to “catch up” with you, and the situation will improve.
- – Or your partner is totally incapable of healthy communication, and you will separate with an easy mind.
Step #4: Use professional help
Not everyone has the opportunity to go to a family therapist. Besides how can you “drag” a person who refuses to solve a problem into therapy?
Our course LOVESTORM is designed just for such cases. It will help you initiate positive changes in your relationship. Sign up for LOVESTORM right now to get a discount and a money-back guarantee. Click below to learn more:
