1. Acknowledge the right of the other person to have any feelings. Do not discount or deny them.
Here is an example of discounting: “Why are getting so worked up over this minor thing? It may happen to anyone!”
And here is an example of denying: “No, you are not hurt. You are just imagining it.”
This is how to acknowledge someone’s feelings: “I see how upset you are about it. Yes, this is very worrisome.”, “I am sorry that you have to go through this.”, “You feel very sad right now”.
2. Simply be next to the person who is suffering.
If you do not know what to say – say nothing. It is more appropriate than saying optimistic but meaningless things. Do not give advice. You can stroke their arm, shoulder, or hug them if they do not mind. Being quiet next to them – such support is much more valuable than forced activity when it is not required at all.
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3. Ask what kind of help the person needs.
Ask very directly, without hints, in clear phrases: “How can I help you now?”, “What can I do to make it easier for you?”
4. Help the person whom you are trying to support find their inner resources.
Every one of us has not only an inner child who feels bad but also an inner adult on whom we can rely. Help to notice that the person is coping and they can overcome the difficulties that have fallen on them.
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