Codependent individuals are never satisfied with their lives and relationships. This happens because they don’t have a clear idea of their responsibility; they act based on projections, and not on reality.
We’ve gathered 6 typical codependent complaints and “translated” them to help you understand what the problem actually is.
Complaint: I’m 100% invested in the relationship, I sacrifice everything I can, but my partner continues to neglect me.
Translation: In fact, I am neglecting myself. And with my “sacrifices” I convey the following message: look, I’m not important, I can easily deny myself, I don’t really need anything, your happiness and your comfort are a priority in our couple.
Complaint: Everyone around me is so ungrateful: I try my best, but they don’t care!
Translation: Actually, I just keep forgetting one important detail: first, agree on the “fee”, and then do something for someone.
I believe that if a “deal” is on in my head, then other people must also know about it , and therefore they must comply.
Complaint: I love him so much, but he doesn’t return the feelings! What else does he need?!
Translation: In fact, I don’t love him, I love a perfect image that I really want to obtain. I have little interest in the real living person, because I believe that he is obliged to love me.
Complaint: Everything will be fine if my partner changes!
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Translation: Actually, this person isn’t good for me, I don’t like them. I consider them only a “blank” that I can shape to my liking. And if they don’t want to be shaped, then they are a mean jerk.
Complaint: Everyone uses me…
Translation: In fact, I do everything I can to be useful and needed, even if it doesn’t bring me anything in return. I believe that servility is a type of good and correct behavior that should be rewarded.
Complaint: Our relationship is a one-way game!
Translation: In fact, I also get something important from this relationship. Namely: satisfaction of my unhealthy need to deserve love (I don’t believe that you can love someone for nothing in return); the opportunity to always be better than my partner (I am a hardworking person, while my partner is an ungrateful pig); the opportunity to ignore my bad condition (I’m always busy: I keep doing something for the relationship).
Please remember that codependency is a problem you can solve. Our Codependency course will help you work it through. You can find it here: https://mindspa.me/en/c/codependency/
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