The notion “positive trauma” refers to a fixation that occurs when a person receives something desirable at a time of major deficiency. “Thanks” to positive trauma people find themselves in a dependent relationship that can keep pulling them back even after a breakup.
Here’s how it works:
○ Your need for attention is satisfied by 0 points
○ You feel extremely lonely: “no one needs me”
○ A person enters your life and surrounds you with attention so that you are basking in care
○ Your need for attention is satisfied by 10 points
○ You get the self-perception “I’m needed”
○ You are fixated: “THIS particular person = satisfaction of my need”
○ The dependence formula is “no person – no attention”
Or, for instance:
○ Your need for security is satisfied by 5 points
○ You are haunted by helplessness and confusion
○ A person enters your life who takes care of all problems
○ Your need for security is satisfied up by 10 points
○ You get the self-perception “I am protected”
○ You are fixated: “THIS particular person = satisfaction of my need”
○ The dependence formula is “no person – no security”
Self-therapy can be an essential tool for personal growth and self-improvement.
Browse through our courses and see the positive changes they can bring to your life.
You are not sure where to begin?
Things get mixed up in your mind: you think that ONLY THIS PARTICULAR PERSON makes it possible for you to satisfy your need and feel a certain way. This is what keeps you “hooked”, making you fantasize about going back to the place where you actually shouldn’t be, or end up in a relationship that isn’t good for you again and again.
How can you break this vicious circle?
You have to “retrain” yourself, your brain. The ability to satisfy your needs by yourself is an excellent defense against a dependent relationship and a compelling desire to get back to it. Because when we have this ability, we build our relationships based not on deficiency, but on abundance and on the desire for a greater happiness, greater joy, and togetherness.
If being pulled back into the past sounds like a familiar problem, try out the following plan:
– Identify the need that you got fixated on;
– Separate satisfaction of your need from your ex-partner;
– Install the right self-perception into your mind (EMDR practice is perfect for this);
– Gradually “retrain” your brain;
– Find alternative ways to satisfy the need and to get the desired self-perception.
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