How I started dating a great guy

Personal experience of a girl who’s been unlucky in love…

Hi! My name is Emma, and I’m about to tell you how I met my love.

For quite a long time I considered myself unlucky. 

It seemed that fate wasn’t kind to me and sent just anyone my way. 

But then I decided that I was old and independent enough not to rely on God’s mercy, and I could take responsibility for MY OWN happiness in MY OWN hands. 

To begin with, I took a break and thought it over: “What exactly am I looking for in a partner? What do I want to get out of a relationship? Why do I need it?”

Okay, I wasn’t thinking alone, but with my therapist, I won’t hide that. 

We talked a lot about how I want to feel in a relationship, what is important to me in a person, what values and principles. 

We investigated how I choose men (and we got some interesting revelations). 

We also discussed the changes that will happen in my life if I get in a really significant relationship, and here, too, all sorts of amusing things popped up.

I used dating apps. 

But I decided not to turn this into a fixation, I set a time limit for myself to devote to love search, and took breaks regularly.

I openly told my friends that I was looking for a relationship. 

After all, you never know where and how you meet the one, but it’s in our hands to increase the probability. 

I attended events that I found exciting, and visited places that relate to my inner world. 

As my conscious request for a relationship was taking shape and internal clutter was clearing up, I noticed that I was changing and the response of others to me was changing. 

I met different people, talked, and observed how I felt interacting with each of them. I agreed to myself “not to overdo it” with communication, so as not to burn out.

I approached dating with curiosity. 

Each person is unique, and if you consider meeting them an opportunity to learn something new, it becomes much easier. 

I tried to ask them questions to understand how much we are “going in the same direction”, whether our values and outlooks on life coincide. I listened attentively and weighed up. 

An important criterion for me was how much the person’s actions matched their words. So, I paid attention to the person’s behavior, to the stories they told about their life.

After each date, I registered my thoughts and feelings. 

How did I feel interacting with this person?

Was I tense, constrained, nervous, uncomfortable? 

Or was it easy, free, relaxed, and safe? 

Am I interested in this person regardless of whether I’m looking for a relationship or not? 

In general, I was having a great time during my “search”.

And, one day, at one of the friends parties, I met the man that I am now in a relationship with. 

We have common values, common priorities, and I feel warm and calm around him. 

And that’s exactly what I wanted. 

As they rightly say: seek and you shall find 🙂