Coping with depression is difficult. But if you are a mother, it becomes even harder: on top of your depression symptoms, you may feel guilty because you cannot fulfill your duties as a parent.
It’s not your fault that this happened to you. Depression is not a person’s choice and not a whim, as those who have not experienced it often think (“Everything is good – you have a husband and a child. Why such a sour face?”, “You just need to pull yourself together!”, “Look, the sun is shining, nothing is wrong with you – why should you feel sad?”).
And unwelcome guilt binds you with an iron grip – “Probably, I’m a bad mother …”
How to be a mother in such conditions?
1. Take care of yourself. Now is the case when you first need to put on an oxygen mask on yourself, so that there is someone to put it on your child later. This is the first and main rule. This is not selfishness, but an absolute necessity.
2. Be sure to contact a psychiatrist or medical psychotherapist. Depression is a disease and needs to be treated.
3. Request emotional and domestic help from loved ones: your husband, parents, or friends. Depression is debilitating and destructive – you need support. You need to ask as clearly as possible: “I need 20 minutes to wash and put myself in order, can you please watch the child?”, “Do you have the time to go for a walk with the baby? I really need to sleep/rest/visit my friend.”
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4. Stop demanding more from yourself than you can do at the moment. You have no energy to clean the house? No need to do it. What’s going to happen if the dishes are not washed right away or the floor is not perfectly clean? Your health is more important. You can’t play with your child? Choose something less energy-consuming: watch a cartoon together or read a book.
5. Delegate responsibilities – something to the older children, something to your partner. Don’t carry everything on your shoulders – it will be easier to cope.
6. Communicate with your children at least for 10-15 minutes, if you do not have the energy for more. Ask them about a play at school, tell them a fairy tale, or sit nearby while they draw. Or even just hug them – this is already valuable. Yes, you cannot engage with them for a long time – but don’t blame yourself! What you are doing is already a lot!
7. Prioritize. If you have a little strength, divide it equally: do something for yourself and something for your children.
8. People have a lot of ideas about what “a mother should do.” They are like messy shelves in the closet – annoying and frustrating. Sort them out – what exactly should you do? Is it possible to remove or postpone something? Leave only the essentials.
A Mom does not have to be perfect – being “good” is more than enough! Remind yourself of this when you are overwhelmed with guilt because you can’t be a perfect parent.
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