What world do I live in – in the world of threats or opportunities?

Katherine was shy. No, let’s try again: Katherine was SHY. 

She turned to a psychologist with the problem of shyness and fear of communicating with people. There were many convictions in her head from the series: “I am weak”, “nothing is interesting in me”, “I am ridiculous”, “everyone will laugh at me.”

Katherine has lived with this all her life. Classmates rarely heard her voice. If they called on her in class – she had a stupor and was lost for words. Katherine did not go to the prom even though she really wanted to: she was ashamed to appear in a beautiful dress…

Katherine could not enter a room in which there were already people, could not visit a coffee shop: everyone would think that I am strange since I am sitting alone …

There were a great many fears. I can be deceived. I might get lost. I can be used.

It seemed that living, in general, is very dangerous. And maybe it’s better… not to live? Katherine voiced these thoughts in a whisper at a psychologist’s appointment…

The psychologist and Katherine began to look for the roots of the issue. It was important to start with this to understand where it all came from, and then they would be able to understand what to do.

Katherine had a very anxious mother. From her point of view, absolutely everything was dangerous: inviting friends home (they might steal something), go to school alone (get lost, stumble, get hit by a car, meet a pedophile, get stolen by gypsies), perform on stage (what if you forget words, and everyone will laugh?), communicate with boys (they all need only one thing, you never know…).

Katherine firmly understood that the world is inhospitable and dangerous and it is better to stay away from people.

We talked a lot about her mom and her life attitudes. We discussed that the schemes embedded in her head are certainly unhelpful. They reflect her mother’s picture of the world and have no relation to reality.

We checked how true the thoughts that trigger the mechanism of anxiety are. For example, I am afraid that people will laugh at me. What is the evidence that confirms this idea? And what if you look at it critically?

We formed a new image of “I”. It turned out that Katherine had it completely wrong. Everything that she knew about herself was from the words of her mother (you will fail, you can’t cope, you are not capable). But the real Katherine turned out to be completely different.

We tried to change behavioral reactions because if you don’t like getting what you get you need to change what you do. For example, Katherine tried to go to the store, which she was always afraid to enter because it was expensive – she was afraid that the salesclerks would humiliate her. It turned out that this did not happen at all…

Then Katherine’s wardrobe began to change. She began to come to meetings with the psychologist less and less in black and gray clothes (and before she wore only them – they helped to remain invisible). Brooches, bright headbands, and make-up (subtle and careful) appeared.

After 5 meetings, the changes became noticeable. Katherine smiled more, her social circle expanded: she admitted that, perhaps, she was interesting, and stopped closing herself off from people. After 10 meetings, Katherine said that she was no longer hiding and was actively trying to communicate.

Also, Katherine made her dream come true. She got a degree in art history. She always wanted to be a guide but didn’t see how she could do it if at the sight of a crowd she lost speech. Now, the stupor disappeared and… Katherine conducts small tours in her beloved museum and beloved city. For now, she takes no more than four people, but this is just a start!