Many concepts in our lives appear similar. For example, it is not always easy to find the boundaries between stubbornness, perseverance, and being bull-headed. Or between pride and vanity. Or between self-confidence and arrogance. The same confusion often arises with the concepts of trust and naivety. And this causes misunderstanding, because if trust has some positive characteristic, then naivety is shrouded in a veil of a certain “stupidity” and immaturity.
Naivety is inherent to small children. And this is natural because they are not yet able to navigate in a constantly changing world. Wide-open eyes are their only possible way of interacting with it. But already by school-age, children learn to analyze the incoming information and draw conclusions, determining whether it is correct or not worth believing.
Naivety in adults, on the other hand, hints at infantilism.
Let’s figure out what is what.
1. Naivety implies having rose-colored glasses as a default option. I am not being selective, but for whatever reason, that is only known to me, I am hoping that everything will go the way that is convenient for me. Naivety does not have a basis. It is ephemeral and unreasoned. Trust is a choice. I choose to trust a certain person and I have good reasons for it.
2. Naivety does not rely on past experiences. You are not paying attention to clear warning signs because you believe that everything will be good! Naivety forces you to ignore the fact that the last time in similar circumstances, you fell into a trap. And the time before that. But you take the same path again forgetting about it – what if the third time is the charm?
Ally’s colleague always borrows money from her and… happily forgets to return. But Ally lends him money, again and again, hoping that this time it will be different – he must know that money needs to be returned! This is definitely naivety.
Trust doesn’t work like this. We trust someone based on a combination of various factors.
Sujatha has been working with Donald for a year now and knows for sure that she can rely on him because he has repeatedly proven this by being reliable and honoring all agreements. She feels comfortable and safe with him. This is trust.
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3. Trust is a creative force – a space that is examined and analyzed. Naivety is a field where you can step into the mud, fall into a swamp, or find yourself in a dead-end.
4. Yes, you can make mistakes not only if you are naïve. Trust may also be broken.
But naivety is a habit to underestimate the situation and not to take responsibility for everything that is happening. While trust is right the opposite – it is taking responsibility for believing another person and being ready to take the risk, even though you don’t have a 100% guarantee (you never have it in this world).
5. We trust people whom we know well, while naivety is all-encompassing and applies to everyone. A naïve person trusts everyone because they think that a person with such a kind face cannot be lying, and the cream that is promoted by the favorite actress cannot be bad. Why? Because I believe in it!
6. Naivety is accusatory and self-centered. “I thought you would do this! How could you not do this?” At the same time, the other person may not even have a clue that certain behavior is expected of them. Trust does not overstep the boundaries of another person – it is intelligent and does not require anything.
If you misjudge again and again people, stories, and situations – check if naivety guides you in a relationship. Trust is a selective value, and naivety is a completely different story…
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