Partner “Running Away” from a Conflict

You are about to go on a rampage, but your partner peacefully says, “Okay, let’s forget about this” or “Okay, let’s do what you want”?

First, it might seem good since you managed to avoid fighting and having an argument. However, if it happens every time there’s a need to talk and make a decision, your partner’s nonconfrontational behavior might become a problem both for you and your relationship.

Any relationship needs arguments and disagreements. They help to discover the reasons of resentment, hear different opinions, and find a way out of a difficult situation. 

However, what to do if it is necessary for you to get into an argument while your partner carefully avoids conflicts? 

We suggest that you try to find out the reasons for such a behavior and think of a way to aid your relationship.

1. It’s scary

Normally, conflicts are scary for those who saw terrible fights of their parents accompanied by screams, swearing, or even physical violence as a child. Such a person perceives a conflict as something horrible, threatening, and any loud discussion makes them want to stop this torture.

Your actions: Start any complicated conversation with a peaceful tone, do not use the phrases marking a conflict, such as “We need to talk”, “I don’t want to fight, but…”, etc.

The friendlier you are at the beginning of the conversation, the likelier it is that your partner won’t feel like hiding in his or her shell.

2. Having arguments is bad

This is another mindset stemming from the childhood when we were taught that it’s necessary to be reserved, to stay tactfully silent, and to politely agree. You partner doesn’t want to look rude, unreserved, and scandalous.

Your actions: Maybe you should draw “Conflict Regulations” together, including the things that are allowed during a conflict (words, manner of speaking, behavior, actions) and the things that are strictly prohibited. This will help your partner understand that conflicts can be different, not necessarily rude and tactless.

3. The fear of losing

If your partner cherishes your relationship and is afraid of ruining it, he or she might agree to anything to avoid hurting your feelings or pushing you to break up with them.

Your actions: Think whether you often use phrases like “Do you want us to break up?”, “Then I’ll get offended and leave”, etc. Why does your partner think that a simple conflict might ruin your relationship? Try to explain to them that your feelings are strong and that arguments are not the beginning of a breakup, on the contrary, they are a means of preventing it. They help you to discover the cause of your dissatisfaction, find a solution, and become closer.

4. Uselessness

In this case, both partners might be responsible. Conflicts happen, but everything stays the same, there are no solutions, and arguments just make you both feel bad. If your partner sees that fighting brings no results and just makes you resent each other, he or she will decide that it’s safer and more reasonable to avoid conflicts. Your actions: Analyze why it is so difficult for you to come to an agreement and understanding when fighting. No one wants to compromise? You ask impossible things from each other? In any case, this situation will be resolved if both partners are ready to give in and find solutions to preserve a relationship.