Sometimes it happens that we have to deal with toxic people. Use these tricks to keep yourself calm and restore your emotional balance.
1. Draw boundaries and borders.
Toxic people are always trying to cross the borders of other people.
Define the boundaries of what is permissible as clearly as possible, doing it directly, and without hints.
Examples of phrases:
- Thank you. But I will make a decision myself without your help.
- It doesn’t suit me.
- Please stop doing this.
- I don’t want to continue (conversation, action).
- I do not see a subject for discussion (sharp form).
- I am not ready to discuss it now (soft form).
2. Don’t feed the troll.
Don’t give a toxic person any personal information about yourself as they may use it against you.
3. Take away the emotional fuel.
For a toxic person, fuel is your dissent, arguments and your attempts to defend yourself. All toxic people use these emotions to feed their inner troll.
Don’t try to explain anything in response to emotional pressure.
Here are the best alternative phrases:
- I’m sorry you’re angry.
- We’ll talk about it later when you’ve calmed down.
- Threats and insults won’t help to solve this issue.
4. Use your own rules of the game.
Break the stereotypes and don’t give the toxic person the things they want.
Don’t answer their questions starting with “why” (“why are you so selfish?”, “why are you doing this to me, after all, I’ve done for you?” and “why are you upsetting me?”). Use a sentence beginning with “because” instead.
Here are the best alternative answers:
- I thought it would upset you, but I can’t help you.
- We don’t have any bad news here. You just need one thing and I need another.
Don’t be afraid to be blunt. Make your position clear and don’t apologise for it.
Never use your emotions or you will fall into a funnel of negative emotions and lose your inner balance.
5. Create the Plan B.
If the conversation has reached a dead end, it’s better to get out of contact.
- Option 1 (direct): “I don’t think it’s worth talking in that tone, so we’ll talk next time.”
- Option 2 (energy-saving): make an excuse to leave. You need to call your mum immediately, you have to pick up your order from the delivery, you have to go for a walk with the dog, etc. In this case, the reason should sound as convincing as possible.
6. Restore forces and power.
After dealing with a toxic person, you need to restore yourself using everything that fills you with strength and power.
