What is perfectionism? This is a poisonous belief that an imperfect result has no right to exist.
Why do we call it poison? Your reality is replaced by a mythical and unattainable ideal. The joy of life goes somewhere to the second and third plan, and life itself turns into a race for non-existent “perfection”.
Here is a short test that allows you to identify your tendency to perfectionism:
- you evaluate yourself by your achievements
- you “dwell” on the details
- your motto is “if you can’t do it perfectly, don’t do it at all”
- you want to be perfect
- each and every mistake is a serious obstacle on your way
- people “can’t reach your level, and you still have to grow to reach it”
- you set yourself unattainable goals
- you have a lot of anxiety and you are very afraid of evaluations from other people
- you want to control everything
- it’s very difficult for you to make decisions
- you finish projects with great difficulty because you don’t let the “you can still improve” feeling go
- you ignore the praise while noticing only criticism
- criticism causes a huge reaction and a lot of anger
- you’re afraid of not living up to other people’s expectations
If you get more than 7 positive responses, then perfectionism is your problem.
Let’s try to work with it?
- First of all, you have to admit the problem.
Until now, many people consider perfectionism an important building block of their own personality. They are proud of it and hold on to it until the last moment.
Many people always ask the same question: “Is it bad that I always prove to the world what I can do?” At the same time, they can’t see that they are barely living.
Ask yourself the following question: “Do you want to do something good, or you just want people to praise you?”
Now imagine what your life might look like without this fear of not being perfect.
- Allow yourself not to be a person with supernatural abilities.
It is very difficult but possible.
The desire to be the best in all areas is frustrating and draining. You have a legal right not to always be a superwoman. You don’t need to be the best at everything!
This is your decision. This is your choice. You can be a normal person, who has a right to make mistakes, or you can be a tortured creature dreaming about the perfect state.
- You need to live without being over-attached to this feeling.
Fanaticism is a great evil. Next time, when you want to make the work from the very beginning to add “another stroke”… when you want to pull out a piece of paper with a mistake (everyone did this in school) and start again… stop and think: Why are you doing this? What happens if the page isn’t perfect? Will the world cease to exist? Will something change significantly?
The answers will surprise you.
- Make mistakes.
Put things on the table in the “wrong” order. Shorten the list of things that should be done perfectly. Do the dishes in the kitchen cabinet really need to be laid out in size? Do you need to sort books in alphabetical order? Do you have to sort your clothing by color? Do you have to perform 10 deeds per day?
Try living like this for a few days and then analyse. Has the world collapsed?
- Take yourself off the social approval needle.
It’s simply impossible and not really necessary to be appreciated by all the people in the world. By adjusting to other people’s desires, you not only lose yourself, but you also cause irritation and a desire to move away from you. Why? Because people are not idiots, they feel false emotions. Very soon they will be enraged by these attempts to be “perfect” in everything.
- Try to get out of the vicious circle.
It is difficult for perfectionists to work and be creative. They are more likely to redo what they have already done than to start something new.
Here’s your task: every day you better be spending 30-50 minutes to create something new. As soon as the time is up, stop working and don’t go back to it.
Measure your results: How much of the job is done? Did you manage to reach only 80-90%? You can leave it like this!
- Stop trying to control everything.
There are a lot of things that you can’t control: the behavior of other people, their reactions, what has already happened, circumstances, road situation, world peace (the list goes on). You have to accept all of them as the weather outside your window.
Every type of control always hides anxiety. Control is a cloak of anxiety. Outline your area of responsibility by asking yourself: What am I really worried about right now? By transferring control to the zone of awareness, you will lose its power and return yourself to reality.
- Time-management.
If it is difficult to focus on the result, let the time spent be the key indicator. Set a shorter time frame for the task in advance than originally planned. “I will spend 10 minutes on each document, and then move on to the next” or “I will clean the kitchen for 15 minutes, and then, regardless of the result, I will stop and start reading.”
- Focus on the positive side, and not the negative.
Start keeping a diary to write down only the good events of the past day. Put a beautiful box in a prominent place. Every evening you will put a piece of paper with the words of appraisal. At the end of the month, you can pour a glass of champagne (juice, tonic) and celebrate these good events.
- Eat the elephant piece by piece.
Break down big goals into small and achievable ones. This will help you see results, develop a habit of not putting things off ‘for later’, increase your own self-confidence and reduce anxiety due to upcoming deadlines.
