Polyamory – What Is It?

Everything is subject to change, even if something at first glance seems eternal and unwavering. Nature changes, society changes, people change, and so do their views and beliefs. And what about love? Is it eternal? Perhaps yes. But its forms, as it turned out, are also subject to changes in time.

You can keep your eyes closed in fear for a long time and deny the obvious, but relationships between people today are crossing “blurred lines” and begin to take into account personal attitudes of each side of the union.

Polyamory is one such form of a relationship which made an appearance relatively recently, and although it has found a lot of “fans” around the globe, so far it’s still hardly accepted and/or understood by society.

Polyamorous relationships are a union of a number of people openly connected by loving (platonic or sexual) feelings. This means that each of the partners knows about the relationships of the other and accepts it the way it is, without pain and resentments.

In such unions, there are no restrictions on the gender (homosexuals or heterosexuals), number, religion, and marital status of partners. The main thing that’s observed is equality, mutual respect, voluntary consent of all participants, honesty and trust.

Based on this system, it’s worth noting right away that polyamory is in no way related to infidelity or promiscuous sexual relations, since all the partners know each other and the nature of relations within this union, join it voluntarily and don’t experience painful jealousy.

Polyamory didn’t appear unexpectedly out of nowhere. It was preceded by the Sexual Revolution at the beginning of the last century, the hippie movement, the growth of feminism, the struggle for the rights of sexual minorities, and even dating and blind dating sites have contributed to the emergence of new forms of relationships.

Changes in the institution of marriage have been going on for a long time, and today, polyamory supporters are introducing their approach to relationships as a possible alternative to traditional marriage.

So, what do the “poly” subscribe to?

• On love

Proponents of polyamorous relationships acknowledge that different people may have different needs for romantic relationships, and the desire to have several close connections at the same time is natural.

• On trust

Only honest and open communication between all members of the union, acceptance and respect of the right to have new relationships, can ensure this community’s longevity and absence of conflict.

• On sex

You can’t demand all the different stuff in your sex life from a single partner, so polyamory helps to cope with this restriction.

• On spiritual closeness

Polyamory is based not only on sexual relations, but also on mutual interests and hobbies. Spiritual communication is no less important than the intimate one.

• On equality

In polyamory, all the relationships are fostered on an equal basis; there is no such thing as a “leader” or “head of the family”.

• On jealousy

Practitioners of polyamory, of course, recognize the existence of such feelings as jealousy or possessiveness, but they believe that it’s possible and necessary to learn to manage and get rid of such destructive emotions.

• On marriage

Polyamory followers don’t reject traditional marriage. You can get married before the decision to create a polyamorous union, or after.

Of course, this type of relationship isn’t for everyone. But since it’s there, it means there are those whose views and feelings coincide with the ethical standards of such a union. These may be people who:

• want to expand the number of their love affairs or realize their inability to have a monogamous relationship, but don’t want to deceive their partner
• dream to experience different types of profound relationships, but understand that one partner can’t satisfy all their desires
• have deep feelings for several people at the same time and don’t want to choose one and lose all the others
• want their relationships to develop naturally and freely, without experiencing the excessively strict restrictive frameworks of society.

However, whilst it may seem ideal, a polyamorous union is a big burden on the emotional system of all its participants. Just like the traditional unions, there are domestic fights, misunderstandings, and routines; however, each of the partners has to listen and support not one but several people at the same time. Finding the time for everyone, not depriving anyone of their attention and care is hard work, which initially requires great mental strength and emotional resources.

When entering into this type of a relationship, a person should understand that polyamory won’t save him from certain problems of the traditional union. If he hasn’t learned to build harmonious relationships with one partner, having several is unlikely to fix that.

Today polyamory is still a fairly new format of romantic union, and it’s not legally recognized as a type of family.

However, such a model of relationships is becoming more widespread in the world, increasing the number of followers of its main principles: to be honest and open in love, whether with one partner or several.