Expectations that the world (or to be more precise other people) place on us have been changing over time. In the XVIII-XIX centuries, it was fashionable and encouraged to be a little sad and melancholic. But today’s world has taken a 180-degree turn and is demanding from us: “Be happy!”, “Be positive!”, “Smile!”. But what do you do if you are not a positive person, but rather someone who is introverted and a little bit melancholic (not to be confused with clinical depression)? If you only smile when something truly brings you joy? How do you adjust yourself? And… should you?
Annette often hears from others that she looks somewhat “sad”. In reality, she doesn’t feel sad at all. She simply perceives the world as if it is a little overcast. She doesn’t feel bad about it, and she is not depressed. She just doesn’t understand how people can always be “positive”. She even gets tired when she hangs out with overly optimistic people. This is her essence – this is how Annette is.
All people are different. This is a given. Imagine if all people in the world were the same: they would react the same, have the same world view, evaluate facts the same way. It probably would be very boring.
We do not support the ideas that you should remake yourself to match certain standards, no matter what they are. We want to arrive at a state where you can stop looking at yourself from the point of view of society and allow yourself to be the way you really are. Of course, only if you (and not someone else) feel more comfortable about it.
Michael read in one of the self-improvement books that only outgoing and positive people become successful and tried to remake himself. After a couple of weeks of forced activity and friendliness, he felt terribly tired. And it is easy to explain. Like everything artificial, something that doesn’t come naturally, but rather was put upon him like a cloak, positivity was literally draining his energy. After consulting a psychologist, Michael realized that he should not try to remake himself, but instead he should emphasize his “strong suit”. After a short time, he quit his salesperson job, where he had to hear in every morning meeting that he must exude energy and brighten up the room with his smile. He found a job in a different area. His tiredness disappeared somewhere.
Self-therapy can be an essential tool for personal growth and self-improvement.
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If in your basic settings there is a certain lack of positivity, you need to evaluate a couple of aspects:
1. Could it be that under this cloak are hiding some serious issues, like depression and apathy? These things you should not “keep forever” – for sure.
2. Does this lack of positivity make your life worse? If yes, then a positive way of thinking can be developed. If you want, you can acquire this skill.
Every one of us has unique qualities. They do not make one person “better” or “worse” than someone else who is naturally more joyful and carefree. Our qualities make us who we are – and this is valuable.
The lack of positivity is just as much a part of ourselves as our vulnerability, empathy, or nervousness. Should you reject, hide, or try to correct it? We are whole – you cannot say that you are OK from the top of your head to your belly button (I will keep this part), but everything from the belly button down is so-so and should be recycled.
Therefore, do not have a goal to become “someone”, but rather be yourself. Just remember that if a certain trait is hindering you rather than helping, you can correct it a little bit. We are like trees that can change the direction of their growth if needed, and not inflexible rocks.
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