How to accept life changes you did not choose

Any life changes (even positive ones!) bring inconvenience, knock out of the established routine, and make to look for ways to adapt to new conditions. But when changes happen not by our choice, but due to external circumstances, it is even more difficult.

Layoffs at work. Sudden illness of a loved one. Forced move. New living conditions. Divorce. The list goes on.

You may feel a lot of frustration and resistance – because you did not choose this! However, life is constantly changing. It is not static – changes are an integral part of it.

The first thing you feel when you experience change is fear and uncertainty. “What now? How will I manage? What if I can’t cope?” Numerous “what ifs” swarm in your head like bees, consuming the remnants of balance and composure.

How do you accept change without falling apart?

Let’s start by mentioning that the idea of ​​”not accepting” what happened is quite strange by itself. Is it possible not to accept that a tomato is red and a cucumber is green? You can try to ignore these facts. You can complain that everything should be the other way around or be sad about it, but this will not change the color of the vegetables – it is a fact. That is why it is very important to realize that everything is the way it is, and not as you would like it to be to accept change.

So, what to do when something is difficult to accept?

1. Allow yourself to have the feelings brought to you by this change. All of them – even the most difficult ones: sadness, anger, pain, anxiety, disappointment, frustration, and confusion. They exist and you have the right to feel them.

Accept these feelings and express them in a suitable non-traumatic way. Talk about them with your loved ones.

2. Try to find a silver lining in the situation.

When you stop resisting, you can see not only the difficulties and struggles but also new opportunities.

To help with this, ask yourself these questions: “What exactly upsets or scares me the most?”, “What is the probability that all this will happen exactly as I imagine?”, “Am I catastrophizing the situation? Is everything really so terrible?”. Fear and anxiety may be blocking resources that can help you cope with the situation with little or no loss.

3. Use the “but” principle. It works well with situations that did not cause severe trauma and are not related to life and health.

Describe your situation and find three BUTs in it – three, albeit small, but positive aspects. Many losses can turn into opportunities, as often happens in crises. Making lemonade out of lemons is great art.

“I had to move, BUT now my family and I are safe”, “I lost my job, BUT now I can do what I always wanted, but did not have the guts to start”, “We broke up, BUT now I have an opportunity to find a great person and build an awesome new relationship,” etc.

4. Find within yourself the part that can cope with difficulties and lean on it. There is this active side in each of us that can become free after you deal with your feelings and emotions and get over the loss.

Remember how you coped with difficulties before and what helped you, because these are not the first challenges in your life! In essence, this means believing in your strengths and resources.

5. Talk about what worries you – with your loved ones, on internet forums, or communicate with people who are going through a similar experience. This helps to see new opportunities and other sides of the situation.

6. Live in the present but plan for the future.

Set goals for yourself and break them down into subtasks. To avoid ruminating about your experiences you need to constantly look ahead.

You can do it! You’re already doing it! We believe in you!