{"id":1017818,"date":"2026-10-29T12:01:06","date_gmt":"2026-10-29T09:01:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mindspa.me\/love-or-discipline-how-to-balance-boundaries-and-freedom-in\/"},"modified":"2026-10-29T12:01:06","modified_gmt":"2026-10-29T09:01:06","slug":"love-or-discipline-how-to-balance-boundaries-and-freedom-in","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mindspa.me\/es\/love-or-discipline-how-to-balance-boundaries-and-freedom-in\/","title":{"rendered":"Love or Discipline? How to Balance Boundaries and Freedom in Parenting"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"Love<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Parenting in the modern world is not easy. On the one hand, you do not want to traumatize your child through harsh discipline. On the other, family life can become chaotic when a child starts taking advantage of their parents and the adults cater to their every desire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Balanced parenting combines clear, consistent boundaries with age-appropriate freedom.<\/strong> Psychologist Anastasia Borisova helped us explore how parents can find a healthy balance between excessive discipline and permissiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Children May Show That a Parenting Style Is Affecting Them<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

As a rule, excessive permissiveness and overly strict discipline can have similar consequences because both may create psychological discomfort for a child. When something is wrong, you are likely to notice changes in the child\u2019s physical health, emotions, behavior, or school life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A child may often feel unwell and complain of unexplained headaches or stomachaches. They may lose their appetite or, in contrast, feel constantly hungry. They may also experience tics, urinary or fecal incontinence, or sleep problems such as insomnia, nightmares, and difficulty falling asleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may notice a dramatic change in the child\u2019s mood. They might become aggressive, irritable, or tearful. Unexplained fears<\/strong>, including fear of particular situations or objects, may also be warning signs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The child may become distracted and disorganized. This can affect their academic performance: they may lose motivation to study or experience conflicts with teachers and classmates. A child whose parents are either too strict or too permissive often has a harder time adjusting to school, new subjects, and unfamiliar environments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The child may feel inadequate or inferior and experience intense guilt, even after making minor mistakes. This can lead to defiant or attention-seeking behavior. The child may adopt an attitude of \u201cI\u2019m better than everyone else\u201d or \u201cI don\u2019t care about your rules,\u201d and they may bully children who are more vulnerable. In this way, they try to assert themselves at someone else\u2019s expense and reduce the pressure of feeling \u201cbad\u201d or \u201cwrong.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Questions to Help You Reconsider Your Parenting Style<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

If you notice these changes in your child, it may be worth reconsidering your parenting style. Ask yourself the following questions honestly:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  • Can your child freely tell friends and teachers what is happening at home?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Are you, as a parent, prepared to have your behavior evaluated by an independent outsider?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • If you had been raised this way, what would you think of your parents?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • If this were your neighbor\u2019s child, would you consider reporting the situation to social services?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

    Signs of Excessive Discipline and Permissive Parenting<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    Excessive discipline<\/strong> is a parenting approach in which criticism, control, punishment, or unrealistic demands leave too little room for a child\u2019s needs, mistakes, and growing independence. Permissiveness<\/strong> is the opposite extreme: rules, boundaries, responsibilities, and consequences are unclear or absent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Signs That Parenting Has Become Too Strict<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    You may recognize excessive discipline through the following signs:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \n
    1. Constant criticism:<\/strong> The child\u2019s shortcomings are repeatedly emphasized, even when they make a minor mistake: \u201cOh, you\u2019re so clumsy!\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    2. Unattainable expectations:<\/strong> The child objectively cannot meet the standard set by their parents: \u201cAnother B? You\u2019re expected to bring home nothing but A\u2019s!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
    3. Lack of support:<\/strong> The child feels alone and receives little understanding or encouragement, even when dealing with failure: \u201cIt\u2019s your own fault!\u201d \u201cStop whining. You need to work on your grades!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
    4. Physical punishment as a parenting method:<\/strong> The child experiences fear and tries to make themselves as compliant as possible: \u201cIf you don\u2019t wash the dishes, I\u2019ll give you a beating<\/em>!\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    5. Emotional abuse:<\/strong> The parents manipulate the child\u2019s feelings or use love as a form of blackmail: \u201cIf you continue hanging out with Jason, I\u2019ll stop loving you.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
    6. Comparisons with other children:<\/strong> Someone else\u2019s child is always presented as better: \u201cAmy\u2019s daughter has won another competition, and you\u2019re good for nothing!<\/em>\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    7. Imposing \u201ccorrect\u201d emotions, thoughts, and actions:<\/strong> \u201cBoys don\u2019t cry.\u201d \u201cGirls don\u2019t behave like that.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
    8. Total control:<\/strong> The parent monitors the child\u2019s every step and leaves no room for autonomy: \u201cI know what\u2019s best for you.\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t do this without me\u2014you can\u2019t do it anyway.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

      Set Expectations Within the Child\u2019s Abilities<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      To avoid excessive discipline, parents can follow the educational concept known as the zone of proximal development<\/strong>. This means expecting only what the child is currently able to repeat after an adult, do under adult supervision, or complete with adult help. What they can do with support today may become something they can do independently tomorrow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Parents also need to accept that a child may make several mistakes while completing a task. That is part of the process. Sometimes, the parent simply needs to pause, breathe, and hold back their inner perfectionist and inner critic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      A parent\u2019s role is to create the right conditions for the child to become psychologically and physically prepared for independent adult life. This includes sufficiently developed emotional intelligence<\/strong>: self-awareness, appropriate self-control, an understanding of social and cultural norms, and the ability to manage relationships. A child cannot develop these skills if the parent constantly thinks and acts on their behalf.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Signs That Parenting Has Become Too Permissive<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      Permissiveness can also leave a child unprepared for adult life. Without clear boundaries and responsibilities, the child may not learn how to manage frustration or accept responsibility for their actions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Clear signs of permissive parenting include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        \n
      1. A lack of rules and overindulgence:<\/strong> The child is allowed to do almost anything they want, with no clear limits or consequences for inappropriate behavior: \u201cYou don\u2019t want to eat your dinner? Sure, you can have dessert instead.<\/em>\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n
      2. Ignoring the child\u2019s responsibilities:<\/strong> The parents overlook the fact that the child does not fulfill their responsibilities or refuses to take responsibility for their actions: \u201cYou didn\u2019t do your homework? Okay, just let me do it so you don\u2019t get a bad grade.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
      3. Giving in to manipulation:<\/strong> The child realizes that their parents easily give in to demands and takes advantage of this to get what they want: \u201cYou won\u2019t buy me a new phone? Fine, then I\u2019ll leave home!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

        In this situation, parents need to remember that their child will have to live independently one day. They will face rejection, disappointment, and the need to respect other people\u2019s rights. If a child has always been overindulged, they may be unprepared for this \u201charsh reality.\u201d This can contribute to alcohol abuse and other unhealthy coping mechanisms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        When Should Parents Be Firm, and When Should Children Have More Freedom?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

        What a child needs is not harshness, but confidence and consistency<\/strong> from their parents. Rules and expectations should be reasonable, understandable, and transparent. They should also be reviewed from time to time so that the child\u2019s responsibilities and freedom can expand as they grow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        Be Firm About Health and Safety<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

        Firm rules should primarily concern the child\u2019s health, education, and safety<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

          \n
        • Physical development:<\/strong> Eating nutritious food, getting enough exercise, spending time outdoors, and attending regular checkups.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
        • Education:<\/strong> A parent is responsible for providing a child with a basic school education. Education is mandatory, but parents can decide which form works best, such as in-person learning, remote education, or homeschooling.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
        • Traffic safety:<\/strong> Not crossing the road against a red light, watching for cars, and following other traffic rules.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
        • General safety:<\/strong> Following safety rules online, on the street, at school, and at home. Examples include \u201cDon\u2019t talk to strangers\u201d and \u201cDon\u2019t leave school without permission.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

          Before setting a firm rule, a parent needs to be confident that it is appropriate and necessary. In a life-threatening situation, a child\u2019s immediate safety takes priority over their independence. For example, if your child is about to run across the road against a red light, you can stop them abruptly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

          Afterward, however, you should talk about what happened. Remind the child of the rule, ask how they feel, and explain how the situation made you feel. Immediate intervention can protect a child, while a calm follow-up conversation helps them understand the boundary.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

          Allow Freedom in Personal Choices<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

          There should also be room for freedom in a child\u2019s life:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            \n
          • Hobbies:<\/strong> A child can choose activities that interest them.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
          • Personal space:<\/strong> The child can arrange their personal space according to their preferences and maintain it as they choose, provided that it does not interfere with anyone else\u2019s space. For example, remind them that a bad smell coming from their bedroom affects other family members.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
          • Self-expression:<\/strong> The child can express their emotions and thoughts freely and in healthy ways, even when their views differ from what their parents expected. Do not criticize or dismiss their personal opinion. At the same time, remind them that respect works both ways: the child should not dismiss their parents\u2019 thoughts and feelings either.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

            Three Foundations of Balanced Parenting<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

            Reasonable freedom and parental trust<\/strong> can help children become self-sufficient and confident adults. To create these conditions, build your family relationships around clarity, open dialogue, and the right to hold a personal opinion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

              \n
            • Clarity.<\/strong> The child understands and accepts the boundaries. Both the parents and the child understand the rights and responsibilities of every family member.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
            • Open dialogue.<\/strong> Each family member can safely express their feelings and thoughts without judgment. The child trusts their parents and is not afraid to share their emotions with them. They can also understand and accept their parents\u2019 concerns about particular issues.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
            • Right to an opinion<\/strong>. The child can form and defend their own views. At the same time, they follow established rules and learn to accept responsibility for their choices.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

              Remember: children may not always listen to what we say, but they constantly learn from what we do. One of the most effective parenting approaches is to set a good example, have the emotional resources to support your child, and remain on their side.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/br>

              Follow us on social media \ud83d\udc47<\/b><\/p><\/div>

              <\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

              Is your parenting too strict\u2014or too permissive? The healthiest balance begins with clear boundaries, open dialogue, and room to grow.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":32,"featured_media":1017817,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"neve_meta_sidebar":"","neve_meta_container":"","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"","neve_meta_content_width":0,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"","neve_meta_disable_header":"","neve_meta_disable_footer":"","neve_meta_disable_title":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[486,543,1120,1170],"class_list":["post-1017818","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-eng","tag-emotions","tag-family","tag-psychology","tag-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa.me\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1017818","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa.me\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa.me\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa.me\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/32"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa.me\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1017818"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa.me\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1017818\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa.me\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1017817"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mindspa.me\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1017818"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa.me\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1017818"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mindspa.me\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1017818"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}