Sometimes we all feel deeply hurt by other people, no matter how grave the reason is.
But here’s something important to know about being offended: other people’s pricks hurt us when they hit the spot that’s already aching.
When it happens, it’s important to know how to support yourself, to tell yourself the right words that would prevent you from drowning in this unpleasant condition.
1. Why does it bother me?
Use a curious tone rather than depreciating. We don’t always get offended, regardless of what people say. It’s important to understand why this situation (word, phrase, person) makes you lose your ground. Once you figure it out, you will get a chance to come to terms with your ‘sore spot’. It helps you to be one step ahead of the situation.
2. Is it really important?
Sense is what matters here since feeling resentful is based on a thought. For example, a person doesn’t get offended by the fact that he is short, but he might get offended if someone says it in a wrong way that seems dismissive or sarcastic. Then, it’s automatic, “are they laughing at me? Am I laughable?”
3. It hurt me, but I will handle it.
By saying this to yourself, you accept your feelings while reminding yourself that you are capable of controlling your reaction.
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4. What they are saying is more about them than me.
It’s absolutely true. There are people who take pleasure in offending others. Is it worth wasting your resources on satisfying that other person? He or she simply shows their own insecurities.
5. Others don’t offend us, we get offended.
Restore your right to make a choice, remind yourself about it. You can choose your reaction; it doesn’t control you, you control it. Can you get offended? Yes, and you can spend a few hours or days overthinking the information that frustrates you or you could remind yourself that whatever made that other person say or do something offensive is precarious, so can you really afford yourself such a burdensome reaction?
6. Until you accept something negative, it belongs to whoever brought it.
They say it was Buddha who said this. For example, when you hear something bad about yourself, you can get upset and offended by taking it to heart, or you can get surprised by it and leave it with the person who was trying to offend you because it might have nothing to do with you.
7. I will come back to this later.
Sometimes, when the situation is tense, we are tempted to react emotionally; but if you take some time to process the reality you might realise that the situation is not worth it. This is why you should try to consciously delay your reaction by an hour and come back to analszing whatever happened once you cool down a little.
