It is hard to imagine a more beautiful, grateful, and inspiring feeling than love. Just hearing this word makes you feel warm and cozy as if you are home…
But… all this is applicable, perhaps, only to the mutual, reciprocated love. Because if this is not the case, then the same letters and sounds may bring very different associations: pain, sadness, disappointment, loneliness, and injustice…
“Broken heart” is far from being a metaphor because emotional pain activates the same neurons as the physical one. Therefore, we feel it not less, but sometimes even more acutely and sharply.
If you are wounded and suffer from unanswered feelings, the first thing you want to do is to stop this painful agony because it is unbearable. But you are not able to do this quickly, because you cannot simply command yourself to “stop feeling”. So, what can you do?
1. Grieve.
Yes, do not deny your pain, do not try to hide from it, do not try to put on a forced smile. Your friends may try to get you to go out to a bar or a club – anywhere just to help you stop suffering, but now is not a good time for it. It will come later. Just like a seed planted in soil needs to go through all the stages before it becomes a flower, you cannot skip over the pain and “simply stop” hurting – this will not work. Give yourself time.
Do you want to cry? Cry. Do you want to share your misery and talk about your pain? Great. This is exactly what you need.
If you go through this painful and sad period without “cheating”, then your emotions will not be “bottled up” inside – this is the worst that may happen. Let everything inside of you flow freely – pain leaves with tears and sadness.
2. Think about what went wrong.
It doesn’t mean that you need to run the same thought in your head: they don’t love me, this is terrible. The stage of analysis allows not to get fixated on one terrible thought.
Perhaps, it is true that you weren’t a good match for each other and the fact that you are not together is really the best outcome, even though right now it is hard to believe. Do not try to forget about someone who is still dear to you. As soon as we try to forbid ourselves to think something – these thoughts become obsessive, and this may lead to an anxiety disorder. Your primary goal now is to help yourself heal.
Self-therapy can be an essential tool for personal growth and self-improvement.
Browse through our courses and see the positive changes they can bring to your life.
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3. Take off the crown.
Not from yourself but from the object of your affection. In this phase, you don’t feel like a king or a queen – most likely right the opposite.
Right now, you are going through the stage when you remember only the best and most wonderful moments: how you kissed at the movies, how attentive he was, and she was funny and happy, how you walked holding hands down a moon-lit path and little unicorns were dancing around you… Ok-ok, we may be exaggerating here, but you get the essence. It was not this wonderful and beautiful – these are the tricks of your memory. Right now, your recollection is slightly misstating the facts.
Your goal is to try not to idealize what happened (perhaps, nothing happened – sometimes we simply idealize the object of our affection).
Ask your friends or relatives to tell you why, in their opinion, it did not work out. Do not argue with them but add it to your mental list. Also, add to this list the drawbacks that you know about but the “pink fog” of infatuation prevents you from seeing.
4. Get rid of the things that belonged to the person who is still dear to you.
Yes, all of them. It is better to erase all the text messages. Change your playlist. No, you do not need to move to another country, but it is best if you try not to see each other while it is still hurting inside.
5. Start filling up your life with new experiences.
The less free time you have the better. The more joyful moments you will have the less will be the burden of painful feelings on your shoulders.
6. If it has been a few months but you do not feel any relief, it is best to see a psychologist.
They will help you to go through this difficult period and minimize your losses.
All of us experience unrequited love at least once. And even though it is hard to believe now, this pain will not be with you forever. Try to learn something from it and use it as a source of creativity.
We know that it will get better soon. For now, simply trust us…
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