The worst is behind you. How to move forward?

Everything is over.

You crawled out of this relationship like from a battlefield: wounded, tired, with psychological traumas and losses.

Perhaps, he raised his hand to you, cheated, manipulated you to doubt reality, insulted you, and devalued your feelings. In any case, this all has ended, and it is time to learn to live all over again. You came outside, and it feels like you found yourself in a big world after being locked up in a little stuffy room. But instead of taking a full breath, you feel agoraphobia. Where should you go? It seems that now you can do anything, but you… do not know how to live differently – joyfully and effortlessly.

• What steps will lead you to the new way of life?

1. Give yourself time.

You will not be able to jump into the new life right away. And this is normal, this is how life works. You have to have an adaptation period both after something good and when something very awful has ended. If you move your Ficus plant from a little cramped pot into a new roomy one, with better soil, it will look sad at first and will start wilting. But when it adapts, it will spring back to life, feeling at home in the new place.

Therefore, do not rush. Accept what is happening with you as a given. Spend some time in this new unfamiliar state, do not hurry. You became one life older, dear, and this is a big change…

2. Try to feel what it is like – to be single.

You may be tempted to jump into a new relationship right away, to dive into a new person, trying to run away from the uncomfortable feeling of loneliness that crawls into all the corners of your existence and stirs up different fears and anxieties. “What if I will always be alone now?” “What if I am doomed to be in these abnormal relationships?” “What if something is wrong with me and only jerks stick to me?” Have patience. Get to know the new you – what are you like now that you have left this relationship? What do you have that you didn’t have before? What experiences do you have and can use in your favor? If you dive into a new relationship right away, you are going to skip this important phase and there is a risk that you will continue the old relationship with the new person – you will not notice the person who is next to you in reality.

3. Analyze the old relationship.

Maybe you will not do it right away, but a little later. What really happened? Why? Observe the thoughts that come to your mind and how you explain what happened. If your view is one-sided and you think that you are the only guilty party, perhaps this is not an accurate picture and you should work on it. If it is very difficult for you and you feel a lot of shame and guilt, then it is best to see a specialist. They will help you to restore your damaged self-esteem and reevaluate your experiences so that they not only bring you pain but also become something important. You need to analyze what happened – what can you do so that history wouldn’t repeat itself?

4. Besides relationships, what else do you have in your life?

The next crucial step is to explore what else brings fullness to your life besides another person and your relationship with them. If you get stuck on this point and cannot come up with anything – this is a very important sign. You are in the right place to correct this. Make sure that finding a new love doesn’t become the goal in itself. Try to focus on other needs and life objectives. Perhaps, at some point, you wanted to get a graduate degree? Great – now maybe the best time. Have you thought about changing your job? Take steps in this direction. Did you want to learn a foreign language? Any activity will do – it needs to be about you and for you. This will allow you to remember who YOU are, without a connection with another person.

5. Work on your self-esteem.

Your self-esteem gets damaged a lot when a relationship ends. And sometimes, you need to put it back together like a puzzle. Flirt. Buy beautiful things for yourself – not what you “need” but what you “want”. Remember and practice your skills of interaction with the opposite sex. Perhaps, they have gotten rusty without use. Learn to build stable good relationships – not necessarily romantic ones. Feel peaceful and free – this will be your new starting point.

Your new way of life requires internal restoration. Good luck to you!