The first steps to increase self-esteem

Self-esteem is the basis of personality. It is like a tree trunk on which grow branches (personal qualities) and leaves (desires, moods, and states). If we do not value ourselves, then the branches will be fragile and weak: what difference does it make if you are brave and smart if you don’t believe in it? The leaves will also wither: if you do not see yourself as worthy, then your desires will be very modest… And if you think too much of yourself, there are risks also: problems in communication, for example. People do not like to communicate with those who put themselves above others.

Therefore, we, psychologists at Mindspa, decided to collect some useful information for you on how to start improving your self-esteem. We do not describe the entire path in this article, but we think it is very important to talk about the first step, because, as a famous proverb goes, “a path of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

Psychologist Elena suggests starting with the awareness of the origins of your self-evaluation. Let’s assume that you consider yourself intelligent. Or beautiful. Or not very smart. Or clumsy. Or… there can be many definitions because you must have established ideas of ​​what you are like. Where did they come from? How do you know that this is exactly the case? Who told you?

Understanding this can lead to a very important diagnostic point – what I think about myself, and most importantly – why I think so. What if all this is … not true?

All her life Samantha considered herself clumsy – a bull in a china shop. Because of this, she did not go dancing, felt nervous in small rooms – she was afraid of touching and knocking over something. She preferred not to use fragile things. Even the glasses in her apartment were made of thick glass on a massive leg – “I may drop and break them”. At a psychologist’s appointment, when this topic surfaced, it turned out that this was what her mother had always told Samantha. At the request of the psychologist, she tried to recall real cases of her clumsiness and … could not.

Natalya thinks it is important to first determine what exactly is wrong with self-esteem. Self-esteem is a big word, and everyone, pronouncing it, imagines something different. You need to be specific.

For example, we know of three young women who would like to correct their self-esteem. One is dissatisfied with her weight and with the fact that she just can’t start losing it: fast food, cakes, and burgers win all the time. The second one is afraid to communicate with the opposite sex – she “shuts down and freezes”. And the third one is sure that nothing good is awaiting her in life. It is easy to see that in all three cases the problems are completely different, which means that the approaches to improving the situation should be different.

Olga suggests, as a start, to understand yourself. In other words, to sort things out: which specific features, body parts, and aspects of your life you dislike and which you do like. It makes sense to prioritize your values. It would be nice to understand what you are bringing into this world and what you want to receive from it – in what form and how much. And after that, you can begin to establish a dialogue with that inner part, which is unhappy with everything and criticizes everything. If you learn to negotiate with it – the problem is significantly reduced!

Yulia suggests starting with defining your Real I and your Ideal I. Our image of “I” can be divided into several parts, each of which is filled with different qualities.

• the social “I” (our ability to feel comfortable in society, self-presentation, activity, sociability);

• the physical “I” (love and acceptance of your body, caring for it, health);

• the moral “I” (system of beliefs, principles, moral qualities, culture, and values);

• the intellectual “I” (qualities of your intellect: speed and flexibility of thinking, creativity, and productivity).

The balance between “I-real” and “I-ideal” is the basis for your self-esteem. If you get as close as possible to your desired image, your self-esteem becomes higher. If the mismatch is too great – you can suffer from shyness, insecurity, anxiety, and try to “blend in” so that you are not noticed.

Create a map of your real I – do not forget each of the aspects of the image of I. And make the map of the ideal I. Compare them. Where there is an imbalance? Create a plan for how to make the real and the ideal coincide more.

So, these are the steps that we identified for you to start working on your self-esteem. We did our part, now it’s your turn. Try them – we are certain that you will succeed!