Any feeling is rather chaotic, and jealousy is no exception. It’s good if it fires up your relationship, but when jealousy burns, it calls for a change.
If your partner is starting to drown in their jealousy and you don’t know what to do from the shore, read on.
- Step 1
We suggest that you are honest from the beginning. Answer one question: do you like it when your partner is jealous of you (does it flatter, amuse you, make you feel proud)?
If your answer is “yes”, and your partner’s jealousy doesn’t scare or disturb you (there are no screams, threats, scandals, badmouthing), everything is alright.
However, try to keep track of the situation. As soon as your partner’s words and actions that are motivated by jealousy begin to drag your relationship down, it’s necessary to clarify the situation.
- Step 2
So, your partner is jealous of you, and you don’t like that. Now, let’s see whether it’s reasonable.
Adequate jealousy appears when your relationship is in potential danger (he held out the door for the neighbor, but not for me; she went to the club, but didn’t say with whom). In this case, the person who experiences jealousy is capable of reasonable actions and compromises for the sake of preserving the relationship.
If jealousy is inadequate, whatever triggers it is no match for the reaction of the jealous partner; complaints often seem to rise from nothing. “Not calling me from work every half an hour means you are having an affair with your coworker”, “smiling to a salesperson means our marriage was a failure”. At the same time, your personal boundaries are being constantly violated, you are often screamed at or even physically hurt because of your partner’s jealousy. In this case, your relationship may be unsafe for you, and the only thing you can do is run away.
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- Step 3
Once you’ve figured out the type of jealousy your partner is experiencing, it’s time to move on.
To evaluate the situation as a whole and determine the plan of action, you need to find out the following:
- Which situations trigger jealousy? (Meeting friends, having corporate parties, meeting parents, having night calls, etc.)
- Which demands (complaints) does your partner make?
- How will your life change if you try to fulfill these demands?
- Step 4
Now that you have answers to these questions, you can begin the negotiation. Naturally, you should do it right after your partner’s bout of jealousy. It’s no use talking when the emotions are boiling.
These are the things you should discuss:
- Is it possible to reduce the number of situations (or change their format) that trigger your partner’s jealousy? (Go to clubs more seldom, meeting friends at home, calling your parents when your partner is not around)
- Discuss your partner’s demands and claims and see whether you can fulfill them in full, partially, under certain conditions, or not at all.
- Step 5
If jealousy is adequate, if both partners respect each other’s feelings and try to listen to each other, they will be able to find a solution despite this feeling. If you couldn’t come to an agreement, but you appreciate your relationship, you should address a specialist (a psychologist).
