How to talk to a narcissist

When something goes wrong in our relationship, we tend to search for a reason within ourselves. However, sometimes the relationship falls apart because the other side has such traits that no matter how hard we try, their behavior will not change.

One of these traits is narcissism. Here is how we can identify it.

• A narcissist is certain of the fact that all people are the same; they feel and think in the same way as the narcissist does. It’s hard for them to understand that this isn’t the case. If you try to say this to their face, they will deny it fervently. And if they don’t deny it, then they’re convinced that there’s something wrong with the other person.
  
• A narcissist uses other people, without admitting the possibility that others may not like it. The narcissist thinks that people should be happy and feel satisfied with the fact that they have helped them.
  
• A narcissist believes they deserve the best and that they are entitled to it. They don’t understand how the girl they like might not like them back, or how they might not get the job they wanted. It’s just not possible. It’s nonsense, a mistake, a conspiracy.
  
• A narcissist is jealous and is certain that the people around them are jealous. They can have very long conversations about jealous people. Talk about how people plot, envy their beauty, career, talent, family, etc.
  
• A narcissist is very arrogant. They always show their superiority, and the formal hierarchy is of no importance to them. A narcissist is equally arrogant with their subordinates and their superiors, for example.
  
• In all failures, a narcissist always finds someone else’s fault. They cannot admit that failure can be caused by their own shortcomings.
  
• They like to talk about themselves in detail, without being ashamed of any specifics. It doesn’t matter how disgusting the thing I’m talking about is – if I did it, it’s perfect.

To some extent, the above traits can be observed in all of us. Narcissism is a combination of at least three factors.

Honestly, it’s better to stay away from narcissists. This is a rather complex distortion of character, and people who have it very rarely come to the idea that something should be done with themselves. So, maintaining a good relationship with a narcissist is downright impossible.

You can have these options: you can cry for them and show them love. But transforming them and building a relationship with them – is not in your power.

Nevertheless, if suddenly you are in a situation where communication is necessary (important: this doesn’t apply to your husband or partner whom YOU chose, since you have the freedom to leave them), then try to use these recommendations.

1. Do not take responsibility for their life.

Always remind yourself that you are communicating with an adult, not a small child. They should take responsibility for themselves. Are they saying that your behavior is killing them? Oh well, it’s their choice to kill themselves over someone else’s behavior.

2. Listen less.

For a narcissist, talking is just a tool that helps them achieve their goals. They’ll say absolutely anything to get what they want. The only information worth paying attention to is behavior, and it’s often the exact opposite of anything they might say.

3. Give as little information about yourself as possible.

Anything you say can and will be used against you. So, the fewer important things you say about yourself, the fewer hooks you’ll be giving out that can be used to manipulate you.

4. Learn to stand your ground.

Cut short any comments towards you, make the other person aware that what is happening is unpleasant to you. Leave when aggression begins – it is perfectly OK.

5. Don’t try to change them.

Don’t try to reason with a narcissist, convince them, or change them. It’s useless. You’ll only get stuck in a living hell. Do you need that?

6. Keep your distance.

Don’t come any closer and don’t let them get any closer. The format of communication must be polite and formal. It guarantees your safety.