People are interesting: if something doesn’t go as planned, they criticize themselves, scold themselves, and when something somehow does go their way, it was probably due to luck – according to them – and it could’ve happened with anyone.
Why does this happen?
- The “Echo” of Parenting
Remember how often we heard this when we were kids? (even today, honestly): “It’s bad to brag, get off your high horse”, “You could’ve done better…”, “Taylor got a 100 on her project, and you got a 92.”
- Do you really like it?
Devaluation may be associated with a subconscious thirst for praise or just support. We are so unsure that what we’ve done is important and correct that, by humiliating our own success, we expect to hear: “Come on! Your work is awesome! Look how much time and effort went into it!”
- What if it doesn’t work out?
We’re afraid of responsibility. After all, if it turned out great now, that means that next time, I can do it even more and even better, and so the level of responsibility increases too. What if you fail? It’s easier to say right away, “I didn’t do that myself, it happened accidentally.”
In turns out that we “transfer” the reason for our deserved success over to just lucky circumstances; we exaggerate the help of others, or we just don’t notice and don’t appreciate our own efforts, forgetting about them instead. As a result, our self-esteem, motivation, and energy for doing something new is non-existent.
We recommend you start learning to be proud of yourself.
- Down with comparison!
This is the arch-nemesis of success and victory. By comparing yourself to others, you risk devaluing all your results.
Life is structured in a way that whatever you do, there will always be someone who does it better (unless, of course, you’re an Olympic champion). There will always be someone who can fry a steak, write a research paper about viruses, or build a sauna better than you. Believe me, that is not a reason to put down your victories.
We are all different in our characters, our intelligence, talent, and a hundred of other attributes. There’s no point comparing your results with others. There’s only one comparison that you should be making – you today and you yesterday. Last year, I knew 200 words in Spanish, this year, I know 2000. Yesterday, I only had squats in my exercise, but today I added planks.
Self-therapy can be an essential tool for personal growth and self-improvement.
Browse through our courses and see the positive changes they can bring to your life.
You are not sure where to begin?
- Let’s count.
Our memory has a really nasty feature: we remember our failures and setbacks for a long time, and we quickly forget our victories. In order to see that you really do have many achievements of your own, here’s a simple experiment.
Split a sheet of paper in half with a line. The first column should be “Important Achievements”. Here, write down everything that makes you proud and increases your sense of self-worth. For example, you became a professional accountant, learned how to drive a car, raised wonderful children, and so on.
The second column should be “Pleasant Achievements”. Here, you should try to remember instances where you made efforts, but the result (in your opinion) was more pleasant than it was important. For example, you solved a thousand-piece puzzle, quit smoking, saved a kitten from a well, and so on.
Put this sheet of paper up in a noticeable spot and start filling it up over time. Just sitting down and writing will not work – your memory will hide your victories from you. However, in a week, you will see how many good and useful things you’ve forgotten. A whole list of reasons to be proud!
- Outside Help
Sure, you can tell yourself that your achievements aren’t all that, but close friends and family can easily prove you wrong.
First, you just have to ask them which of your accomplishments they admire. We bet you’ll get tired quickly just by writing down all their answers. The important thing is that when you listen to your accomplishments being listed, accept the compliments with gratitude (!) and pleasure (!). Not with “Oh, what are you saying, I’m not that good of a driver!”, but with “Thank you, I’m very pleased that you’ve been noticing how carefully I drive”.
Secondly, you’re wrong to think that other people’s achievements are better than yours. Make a list of your achievements (even those that seem minor from your point of view) and ask your friends, “Have you achieved this too?” You’ll be surprised at how many of your “ordinary” achievements are unattainable heights for others.
- The butterfly effect
This task is for those who tend to think “What would’ve happened if…” Start thinking creatively and continue the chain, “If I hadn’t been successful in that task, then…” For example, “If I hadn’t finished those massage courses, I wouldn’t have been able to help that lady with her hip pain. She wouldn’t be able to walk; she would’ve been depressed…” You need to see how much benefit your work and efforts bring to you and to others. You shouldn’t devalue something that helps a lot of people.
- Restore justice.
Now just imagine how many people once invested their strength and soul into you so that today, you would be able to achieve your goals and succeed in something. Parents, teachers, friends, mentors… By devaluing your merits, you unfairly devalue their work. Be aware of this fact, and begin to respect both your achievements and those of the people behind your victories.
It is not so easy to take away your inner voice, the one that’s always trying to devalue each of your accomplishments. But over time, working on yourself, you will notice that you are already sincerely happy about your victories and that you’re proud of the efforts you made.
