From an early age, we are taught to control our emotions. “Don’t cry!”, “Stop being angry!”, “Smile, there’s nothing to be sad about!”, “Don’t show anyone that you are unhappy!”, etc. This provides a disservice to a maturing person – they lose contact with their emotions and do not know how to express them appropriately.
But if everything is more or less clear with negative emotions, then why is it difficult to express positive ones? After all, there is nothing wrong with them!
Our users write to us:
“I do not know how to be happy. When something good happens, along with joy, for some reason, anxiety comes. And my smile disappears… “
“I can’t praise my daughter – it’s like I get tongue-tied. What is wrong with me? I’m actually very proud of her.”
“When I hear praise – I want to hide. I can’t even say “thank you…”
Here are the most common reasons that make it difficult to express positive feelings and emotions:
○ Restrained, cold, non-expressive parents.
In this case, children do not learn the skill to express their emotions. They simply do not know how to do it. When they grow up – this lack of skill is still there unless they make an effort to learn them.
○ Beliefs that it is unsafe to show happiness.
“Laughter now leads to tears later”. “If you rejoice too early, you will jinx it!”
And now, along with joy, anxiety creeps in and shuts it down – you never know what the future has in store for you.
○ Trauma.
“That was the best birthday ever for me. I had fun with friends, laughed a lot, and took photos… And when I came home, it turned out that my younger brother got hit by a car. Grandma said, “That’s what happened while you were having fun.”
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Browse through our courses and see the positive changes they can bring to your life.
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○ The fear of being judged.
This also has its roots in early childhood.
How to learn to express positive emotions?
First, you need to find the reason – what prevents you from feeling joy. Identify the emotion that shuts it down. Do you feel scared? Anxious? Awkward? Uncertain? Once you know the emotion – it will tell you when and where you felt it.
Answer this question: what will happen if you will be happy/joyful/enthusiastic? The answer may also provide you with a hint.
Get to know the variety of positive emotions and how they manifest in the face and body. Basic positive emotions are interest, surprise, and joy.
Start keeping a diary of emotions: the situation you experienced – what you thought – what you felt – how you expressed that.
Practice in front of a mirror – find out how you look when you smile or are interested in something.
Try to express positive emotions – first in a close circle of friends – to feel safe. Then in a broader circle – colleagues, acquaintances, etc.
By taking these steps you will start developing your skills, and joy will stop being a “forbidden” emotion. Our course “Mind Cleaning” will help in this endeavor!
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