We often write about manipulation because we know how vulnerable a person feels when they are being a target of someone’s manipulative strategy. Probably, this state can be compared with the state of an insect caught in a spiderweb – they already understand that they got caught, but the more they try to crawl out, the more they get entangled in cobwebs.
Manipulation is an attempt to control the behavior of another person against their will. In fact, the person who is being manipulated is not even completely human for the manipulator, but rather an inanimate object that is needed to achieve their own goals.
This does not sound very good, does it? So, let’s learn to resist manipulation.
Method 1. Bring clarity to the situation.
The manipulator acts on the sly and is not ready for his actions to be called out and his intentions “revealed”. If you call them out, the manipulator may get confused and it will be difficult for him to keep going as planned.
- “You just wanted to hurt me with this phrase?”
- “Tell me honestly, what are you trying to achieve?”
- “It looks like you want to start a fight, why?”
Method 2. Take a timeout.
The manipulator usually tries to get you to agree without giving you time to think through the situation. Make it a rule not to answer right away, but to take extra time.
- “I will think about your proposal and answer you a little later.”
- “I’m not ready to make a decision yet”
- “Let’s get back to this conversation tomorrow, okay?”
Method 3. Demand specifics from the manipulator
Manipulators like to generalize: “You always …”, “You never …”, etc. It would be useful to clarify what exactly they mean because it is impossible to answer the general phrase.
- “What specific situation do you mean now?”, “What specific help are you talking about?”
Method 4. Ask a direct question.
If there is a lot of pressure in the dialogue, requests, and/or demands, you can ask a direct question: “Do you want to deceive me?”, “Do you want to make me feel guilty now?”, “Are you trying to force me to agree?” This can stop the manipulation and make it possible to see the opponent’s reaction.
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Method 5. Seize the initiative and respond in kind.
The use of “the same weapon” works well – usually, the manipulator is not ready for this.
For example, to an annoying neighbor who all the time tries to comment or advise you, you can say something like: “Why do we always talk about me? How is your granddaughter? Not sick? And what daycare does she go to? Well, this is so outdated! Have you heard about the Montessori system?”
Method 6. Don’t get involved in arguments and excuses.
If you get involved in an argument, you will find yourself in the territory of the manipulator, where they will crush you, since they have much more experience in this area. Try to use standard neutral phrases in response to accusations of coldness, callousness, etc.
- “I’m sorry that you’re upset.”
- “I do not doubt that your situation is not easy”
- “I’m sorry I can’t help”
Method 7. Do not be fooled by a compliment designed to force you to do as the manipulator wants.
- “You are so smart – you will definitely see my situation and help me!”
- “Thank you for your kind words, but I don’t think I can help in this case.”
And the most important thing. There are a lot of manipulations, as well as ways to resist them. But the main thing is not what you say, but how you feel, what you are messaging.
If you do not know how to say “no”, no method will work, because the interlocutor reads the mood, psychological stability, and confident calmness. Without them, any phrase will not sound convincing.
Therefore, the best protection against manipulation is confidence. So that the imposed feeling of guilt or shame simply does not stick to you, and it would be impossible to play with your feelings and emotions.
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