How to accept injustice in the workplace?

“Hello! I’ve always dreamed of working in my area of expertise. I got a certificate of graduation and was hired for a good position. I was happy, worked hard, and often worked overtime. But I lasted at this job for a little less than one year. The director of the company took a dislike to me. She did everything to make my life miserable: she reprimanded me whether I was at fault or not, yelled at me, humiliated me publicly. My colleagues, whom she favored, were laughing behind my back. 

I was trying to avoid her. I was always scared, nervous, and in tears all the time. Then she asked me to quit voluntarily – she said that we would not be able to get along at work. I broke down in tears and ran out of the room. But I didn’t quit. She organized a boycott of me. It became even harder to work – I was crushed, my spirit was broken, my dreams were shattered. I wasn’t able to stand up for myself, even though I’ve never thought of myself as a spineless pushover – this is definitely not me. 

Then I had been out of work for a long time. Finally, I found a job as a sales clerk. I didn’t like this job, but I needed money. From this job, I got fired again. The director’s daughter was stealing, so they had to cut salaries for all the employees. I started complaining, and they told me “You don’t like it – the door is open”. I am in tears again, thinking about how I will find another job, even though I didn’t like that job. I have an interview next week. And I am very scared that they will ask for recommendations from the previous jobs – this is common in our little town. I am afraid to be humiliated again. I am so used to being scared, that I am afraid that my experience will repeat itself. I am afraid that they will not like me at this new job. Please help me. How can I stop being scared that my experience will be repeated? How can I stop feeling sorry for myself and accept this injustice? 

Thank you in advance!”

Hello! 

You raised a great question: how to stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop being scared, and accept that life is not fair.

About your fear. Perhaps, you have a reason to be scared. Your first job shows that you may experience problems working in a team. An aggressor attacked you and you weren’t able to push back, to deal with this situation. This became a very difficult experience for you, you don’t want it to be repeated, and therefore you are scared. But fear is not the only way out: you can learn to deal with this situation differently.

For example, you can look for ways to resist the aggressor. You can learn more about your options. How to confront them? How to remain confident in such situations? Push back, ignore, stand your ground – or find other ways to protect yourself from aggression. 

You didn’t give a lot of details about your situation with the director, so I cannot give you specific recommendations. It is not clear how you were acting, what you were doing to allow this situation to continue. For example, some people may be trying at work “too hard”, trying to please everyone, some make others jealous, and some appear as a pushover, which makes the bullies want to come over and “kick” them. 

Your role in this situation is also important. No, I am not trying to find out “what you did to make others humiliate you”. In any relationship, there are two parties. If someone kicked you once – perhaps you had nothing to do with it. But if they kicked you again, then you need to ask yourself – why is this happening? Why are you not reacting?

You need to determine your responsibility for these events. 

About feeling sorry for yourself. Pity – is a poisonous feeling. In other words, if you are not feeling well, feeling sorry for yourself will drain your energy and exacerbate your condition. Think about it – how would you like to treat yourself? Support, love, care – what do you want for yourself? Try to ask yourself – what specifically you feel sorry about? When you find the answer, think about how you could provide support and care to yourself, without feeling pity. Of course, you can feel compassion for yourself. But compassion and pity are two different things.

About injustice. What happened to you was not exactly in the domain of justice. Everybody has to pursue happiness (and career). Setting goals and following them is not always easy. If you want a certain position, a certain salary – you need to pursue them regardless of difficulties. 

Emotionally, I totally get you. Something didn’t work out. You need to cheer yourself up, remember your goal, and continue marching forward, if the goal is important to you.

To deal with your emotional state, there are two approaches. You can look for articles, books, and information to address your state. Try new things, new methods. There are two issues here: how to resist bullying and how to deal with your emotional state, which results from bullying. Another approach is to work with a psychologist and try to understand why this situation was so important to you personally. Why did these events “break” and “shatter” you? Yes, obviously, your situation was very unpleasant, but it could have been dealt with in different ways. What happened with you tells us about your weak points. You need to work on them, specifically.

I would also recommend that you change the wording in your story. You are writing that you were fired from your second job. No, it looks like you resigned yourself. Perhaps, you refused to work in an environment where people steal and salaries are cut. You were given a choice, and you left. “You left because it was your choice” is not the same thing as “You were fired”. If you stop seeing this situation as an injustice but start seeing it as a step on a way towards success, you will feel differently. A way – is never easy. You need to find it, pave it, you can make 20 mistakes and take wrong turns. But if you had a dream – you need to remember it. Write down specifically – what do you want? What does your ideal future look like? Title, salary, environment, position. Is this picture worth your efforts to find ways to realize it, again and again? If yes, you need to find opportunities to reach your dream, to remove the barriers in your way. These barriers are not other people; they are your internal and external limitations. Fear, emotions, difficulties dealing with conflicts, inability to push back when being bullied, your small town (do you need a bigger one?), no energy (perhaps) to overcome all of this – these are the barriers. And you can deal with them.

Take care of yourself!

Mindspa Consulting Psychologist