Steps to overcome inner resistance

Resistance is a psychological defense mechanism that protects a person from change.

Resistance can arise for various reasons:

— because of negative beliefs about oneself;

— fears of failure and rejection;

— perfectionism;

— fear of losing control or stepping out of the comfort zone. 

— as a result of past failures or overload, when the person had no resources left to make decisions, perform additional tasks and make any changes in life.

If you have a tendency to avoid certain situations, to hesitate, to lose motivation, to procrastinate, to experience psychological discomfort manifested as indecision and self-doubt, acknowledge your resistance in order to overcome difficulties that are holding you back.

Veronica decided to clean her apartment every week. She knows that a tidy and neat space will help her feel more comfortable and organized. However, every time it comes to vacuuming, she finds a bunch of excuses: «It’s not that dirty,» «It’s a creative mess,» «I don’t want to bother with this right now,» «I have more important things to do», etc. In other words, Veronica is too lazy to do it, and she distracts herself with other tasks to avoid cleaning.

Meanwhile Jacob goes to bed late because he stays up for hours at his computer. He knows that lack of sleep has a negative effect on his health: he has no energy during the day, he has a broken sleeping schedule, his mood is always down. But he doesn’t want to change his habits and get out of his comfort zone, so he puts off the issue of sleep management and self-care for later. He thinks: «Tomorrow I’ll sleep for half an hour longer», » I will go to bed earlier starting from Monday, and today I’ll stay up a bit longer», «I really don’t see any problem with my lifestyle», etc.

What can you do if you also often experience inner resistance?

Step 1. Acknowledge that you have it. You are a living person and you have the right to experience resistance. It’s normal and natural.

Step 2. Identify what exactly causes your resistance, and ask yourself: «What do I feel when I encounter this situation?» For example, a headache, sleep issues or increased appetite? Anxiety, worry or fear? Maybe your resistance is accompanied by confused thoughts, a lack of understanding what to do, a sense of frustration?

Step 3. Try to understand the reasons for your inner resistance. These can be negative beliefs about yourself, painful experiences, fears, doubts and other complex feelings. Ask yourself: «Why am I experiencing resistance?» and give an honest answer.

Step 4. Accept your fears and doubts with understanding and empathy for yourself. Everything is all right with you! Don’t let complicated feelings overwhelm you and control your thoughts and body. Remember — negative emotions are temporary.

Step 5. Make a plan of action. Set specific and achievable goals, set tactical tasks. The art of small steps is what will bring you closer to your desired result.

Step 6. Act according to your plan. And don’t blame yourself if something doesn’t work out right away. Everything takes time.

Step 7. Share your intentions with the loved ones who can support you. Accept help when it’s offered, and ask for help when you need it.

Step 8. Reward yourself for your achievements. You can come up with a reward and do something nice for yourself on every step of the way.

Brad was struggling to start going to the gym, because he doubted his abilities and was afraid that he would get tired really quickly in the gym. Aside from that, he was used to spending weekends with his family, and he wasn’t used to allocating time for his own activities. But he made a decision and designed a flexible training schedule that included short but regular 20 minute home workouts (which he found on YouTube). He also started rewarding himself for any progress: with a ticket to a hockey match, or a ticket to a concert by his favorite band. The more incentive — the more joy — the more progress — that’s his formula for success.

Remember that inner resistance is a normal and natural part of change and growth. It is important to have understanding, be persistent and be willing to overcome obstacles. You have all the tools you need!