Adapting to a new place of living

Sometimes we find ourselves in circumstances that we did not choose. For example, we may be forced to relocate to another place of residence.

So, you have moved. It could be another city or even another country. Everything around you is different, everything is not what you are used to – the streets, the architecture, perhaps even the language, the people. Everything is somehow alien, unfamiliar… Not meeting your neighbors at the mailbox or the storekeeper whom you’ve known for ages, not having your favorite cafe around the corner – this is frustrating and unsettling.

Moving is always a huge physical and psychological stress. Especially if you were forced to move – you may feel that somewhere far away is your home, sweet home, but you must live here. Stress is a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances. But different people experience it differently because we all have different nervous systems, past experiences, motivations, and behavior patterns.

It is normal in this situation to experience various complex feelings: confusion, sadness, longing, disappointment, irritation, or apathy. This is your psyche’s response to sudden change. It needs time to adapt, to find ways to deal with new circumstances.

It is important to notice these feelings, name them, and accept them. For example, you may note: “I now feel a strong longing”, “I am confused, I need to figure out what to do next.” All feelings have the right to exist. You need to allow them to be.

What experiences you may face?

For example, you may worry that you are not doing as well as some other people. “Maria has also moved. But she is very busy with making her place cozy and buying towels for the kitchen – and I can’t even get out of bed in the morning. What is wrong with me?” Everyone adapts to changes differently. You should not compare yourself with others because adaptation is an individual process.

You can also find yourself trying to recreate your old life in the new place, but we do not recommend it. Any copy will be paler than the original. You must create a new life for yourself! To adapt, we must accept the new reality, letting go of the old one.

Now it is important to understand how to support yourself in the new environment and where to find help.

Maslow’s pyramid of needs will point you in the right direction.

It is based on physiological needs – food, water, and sleep. Then comes the need for safety and security. The “reset” has happened – you left your past behind. Now, you need to build something new. First, you must make sure that your basic needs are satisfied.

In other words, until you are certain that you will not be hungry, your normal sleep is restored, there is a roof over your head, and you are safe – you will not be able to move on. First, take care of the most important needs. But after that, you can create support related to social needs: communication with loved ones and finding new acquaintances. Ask for support from loved ones: call your family and friends more often – communication helps a lot to cope with difficult periods.

How can you help yourself to address everyday and social needs?

○ Start exploring the neighborhood: what shops are nearby, parks, cafes, etc. It is better to do it on foot, gradually.

○ Collect information: neighbors or new acquaintances can tell you where a good medical center is, where to buy fresh meat or vegetables, and what beauty salon you may visit.

○ Communicate: if you are a parent – strike up a conversation with other parents at the playground, if you have a dog – talk to other dog owners while walking your dog, or chat with a receptionist at a nail salon. Politeness, smile, and friendliness work wonders.

You may be filled with sadness and longing. Periods of activity can be followed by periods of grief and tears. It’s normal to be sad. But if a lot of time has passed but you still want to cry all the time, you don’t have the strength and desire to do things – do not hesitate to seek psychological help. It will help you to adapt to a new life more easily.

You are also likely to experience a feeling of uncertainty as if you do not have a firm ground under your feet: “What if I can’t learn the language?”, “What if I don’t have enough money?”, “What if I don’t find a job or can’t get accreditation?”.

It is surprising how important seemingly small things turn out to be: the hairdresser to whom you have been going for ten years, the specific kind of bread or milk you used to buy, the fitness club you used to visit regularly – everything is not the same here…

Worrying is normal. But it is good to remember that you can solve this equation even if it has quite a lot of unknowns. You just need to move step by step without trying to immediately envision the whole map.

For adaptation to be successful, you must:

– accept your new situation as a given; you will get used to it.

– not blame yourself for having “too” strong feelings or a long process of adaptation; take enough time – as much as you need.

– support yourself with care and attention.

And then, your new place of residence may become comfortable and familiar – it may become your new home.