Here are step-by-step instructions for those who find it difficult to think about the opinion of other people. Use it, learn to analyse and use it correctly.
1. Who is talking?
The first level of the filter is where the information came from. How this person treats you (not only in words, but also in deeds); how you treat them; what is your degree of intimacy? The opinion of the husband, for example, is one thing, and the opinion of the female neighbor is quite another.
2. Why are they talking?
Why does a person say this? Try to fantasise about different (this is important) variants of the motives: to assert at your expense; to hurt out of envy; to offend and to subdue; to throw out their pain; to gain popularity at someone else’s expense; to distract from your life, to really take care of you; to express concerns.
3. What can I do with it?
At this level of filtering, we can look at the benefits. What is important and useful you can learn from this message? Does it have something good for you? If nothing… just feel free to throw it away.
4. Is this really about me?
There is a remarkable phrase by E. M. Remarque: “Everything you see in me is not mine, it’s yours. Mine is what I see in you.” Does what you hear have anything to do with you? Does this match your idea of yourself?
5. Why does it bother me?
This is a very important step in analysing opinions of other people. When you ask yourself this question, you shift the focus from someone else’s opinion, and work out something important for you personally. This is closer to reflection than to preoccupation with someone else’s opinion.
6. What are the consequences?
Can the information you hear have any negative consequences for you or not? Does it affect your life in any way? Does it change anything?
7. Is it worth your time?
Let’s take it for granted that every minute of your time is priceless. No one will ever return it to you or give you a different life. Think of it as a precious diamond. Now tell me. Is this opinion worth spending this diamond on?
