Hello!
I am a “well-developed” avoidant type or, as they also call it, a counterdependent person.
Some time ago, I realized that I no longer wanted to build relationships based on escape principle, to choose men with whom intimacy was impossible, and so I went into therapy.
Here are some essential lessons I learned on my journey.
1. Fear of relationships turns everything upside down, distorting reality.
As long as you allow it to control you, your perception is biased, and you perceive many things (for example, your partner’s behavior) not as they really are.
But it’s important to remember that this kind of fear also has a good purpose — to protect and shield you.
So it’s important not to beat, but to support yourself and learn to reduce the impact of fear.
2. Being independent does not mean being alone, doing everything on your own and not letting anyone near you.
Independence can (and should) be maintained in a warm and healthy relationship.
3. Relationship requires effort. It’s true.
But, first, when you allow yourself to feel sympathy for someone and accept it, this is enjoyable effort.
And, secondly, effort is only part of a relationship, and not the biggest one.
4. Your need for another person is not a sign of weakness.
Self-therapy can be an essential tool for personal growth and self-improvement.
Browse through our courses and see the positive changes they can bring to your life.
You are not sure where to begin?
The idea of not letting people get too close seems safe, but in fact it brings nothing but trouble. You get stuck in painful relationships where they chase you, then they run away from you, and then something else.
You walk around in heavy armor, you feel lonely, but you’re ashamed to admit it, so you hide behind sarcasm.
5. The fact that you are now using “unhealthy” schemes and patterns in your behavior does not make you a bad person.
6. Suppressing emotions does not lead to any good.
Feelings that don’t get expressed in right time don’t disappear, but turn into tension, blocks, clamps and nasty lingering conditions.
Moreover, when you start expressing your feelings, normal people respond to it and react well.
7. In order to change life for the better, you need to see, become aware of your pointless, obsolete behavior patterns.
And then, of course, change them 🙂
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