Very often it is hard for people to make a final choice. You cannot decide – should you buy a red dress or a yellow one? Should you go to a holiday party at work or skip it? At the coffee shop, should you order a chocolate croissant or a strawberry cheesecake? Or maybe a low-calorie mango mousse?
It is even more difficult to decide about important life events. Should you get married? Should you apply to a medical or a law school? Should you get divorced or give your relationship another chance?
But you must decide! And it is great that there are techniques that may help you,
Technique 1: Based on feelings.
When to apply this technique: when you have been contemplating this choice for a long time, there are a few very obvious choices and you have thoroughly analyzed them, but still cannot decide.
– Write down all the possible outcomes from this situation.
– Focus on the first one. Imagine in great detail if this outcome came to life. Live through it in your imagination.
– Note your bodily sensations. What do you feel? Are these feelings pleasant – more energy, fulfillment, calmness, lightness, etc.? Or unpleasant – a knot in your stomach, tension, constraint, temperature fluctuations in the body, etc.? Or neutral – no particular feelings?
– Note your emotions. What do you feel? Is it something positive – joy, excitement, satisfaction, etc.? Or something negative – depression, repulsion, irritation, etc.? Or something neutral – calmness, acceptance, balance, etc.?
– When you experience these feelings and emotions, what thought comes to your mind?
The thought that comes to you helps you understand whether this is a good outcome for you or not.
Do this exercise for every option that you wrote down. Choose the one to which your body and emotions react most positively.
Technique 2: Consequences
When to use this technique: when you need to make a decision based on its results.
When we talk about consequences, we mean certain options that may or may not be realized depending upon what decision you make.
Step 1. Imagine that you made a decision.
Step 2. Think about what this decision will bring you.
Step 3. Answer the five “Yes or No” questions listed below to make this assessment.
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1. New abilities.
a. As a result of your choice, will you get an opportunity to show your unique talents?
b. Will your strong traits and skills be needed?
2. Rewards
a. Will you get some benefits?
b. Will these benefits be important and valuable to you?
3. Self-improvement
a. Will your choice allow you to grow more as a person?
b. Will you be able to learn new valuable skills?
4. Recognition
a. Will your choice be useful for someone?
b. Will you be able to help others?
c. Will people appreciate you more?
5. Outcomes
a. Will this choice take you to your final destination?
b. Will it open new opportunities for you in the future?
If you answered “Yes” more than 7 times, it makes sense to choose this option.
Technique 3: Synchronization.
When to use this technique: when it is difficult for you to decide because a part of you wants to make one choice, and another part – another, and a third part – yet another choice. In other words, when you are being pulled apart by conflicting desires.
In this case, it would be great to find out why each part wants what it wants and to try to reconcile them. Then, you will be able to make a choice that satisfies to some degree all your parts.
Let’s assume that you have a few options: option A, option B, and option C (or maybe more). And you do not know which one to choose. Do the following:
○ Arrange as many chairs in a row as you have options. Place a piece of paper under each chair with the options – A, B, C, etc.
○ Now imagine the part of yourself responsible for option A and sit in the appropriate chair. On behalf of this part, talk about your intentions and wishes, share your ideas, give arguments in favor of your decision.
○ Do the same for option B, for option C, etc.
○ Now stand in front of the chairs that represent your parts and pretend that you are the main managing part of yourself. And now it’s up to you. Remember that you need to consider the interests of Part A, Part B, and Part C when making a decision. What do you choose?
○ Perhaps one part was more convincing than the others, and you will accept its decision. But then it is important to do something for the remaining parts – to take care of them somehow. Think about what you can do for them in this situation.
○ But more often it happens that when you listen carefully to each of the parts, a completely new solution is born as a synthesis of all the others. And these are, of course, the best solutions. In this case, the consolidation of all parts takes place, and then you can focus on the implementation of the newly born version.
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