{"id":5635,"date":"2021-05-04T14:52:19","date_gmt":"2021-05-04T14:52:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindspa.me\/?p=5635"},"modified":"2021-05-04T14:52:19","modified_gmt":"2021-05-04T14:52:19","slug":"case-can-one-not-rely-on-men","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mindspa.me\/en\/case-can-one-not-rely-on-men\/","title":{"rendered":"Case: Can one not rely on men?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Hello! I\u2019m 37.<\/strong> I\u2019ve been divorced for a year and a half after a 10-year-long relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My family history includes a grandmother who carried the entire household, children and grandchildren on her shoulders; grandfather mostly drank and slept. Sometimes he went to the neighbors\u2019 and drank there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A mother who raised four children alone because my father disappeared when I was seven. She did meet a man afterwards with whom she lives to this day, but according to her, he\u2019s unreliable. Basically, I\u2019ve never had (or have seen due to the dispositions) an example of a reliable man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My friend\u2019s father who had been around a very authoritative mother killed himself, and I haven\u2019t had any other man around me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a result, I grew up and I\u2019m living with a disposition that I must bear everything myself. This resulted in a marriage to a man for whom I assumed the role of a mother. We had an age difference of 8 years (I\u2019m older) and I suppose this had made the situation even worse. But I\u2019ve realized that only after we split, having analyzed my actions, his reactions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The question is how I can change this attitude that one can\u2019t rely on men. Intellectually I know that everyone is different, but I\u2019m afraid of falling into the same trap again and choosing a man who needs a mother that will direct, choose for him and clean the house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I want an equal partnership. Where we support, help each other. I want a relationship with an adult, I already have a child \ud83d\ude42\u00a0 Thanks a lot for the opportunity to have my situation worked through.<\/strong> Greetings!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your situation is a clear example of scenarios we adopt through our parental families. It\u2019s hard for a woman who had been seeing her mother doing everything herself her entire life not to absorb such behavior. Thankfully, there are effective strategies of psychology and psychotherapy, and the scenarios can be solved if desired.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is little that can be recommended for working on oneself. I will write you some thoughts that you can ponder in order to understand this issue more deeply. But the scenarios are best changed with a psychologist. Or you can take our «Brainwash» course, it\u2019s all about cleaning out toxic ideas.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019d recommend you answer the following questions:<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n